


On Death and Dying in Slow Motion

by lilred_wulfe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cigarettes, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, some Harry/Ginny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-13
Updated: 2008-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilred_wulfe/pseuds/lilred_wulfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>disclaimer: this story/artwork is based on characters and situations created and owned by jk rowling, various publishers including but not limited to bloomsbury books, scholastic books and raincoast books, and warner bros. inc. no money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.</p><p>Author's/artist's notes (if any): I wrote this for the Hd_Inspired Fest of Going Back to School in 2008. <br/>Beta(s): alexa_black, malachix, and jonathan, the Fiance (now husband).</p><p>Summary: Harry Potter has lost his fire and can't be damned to care. He bumps into a sneering Draco Malfoy who talks down the mighty fallen hero. It might just be enough to spark some life back into Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

It was a nightmare: he was sure of it. He didn't raise his wand fast enough and he was falling backwards. His breath was coming in short gasps and his torso felt as if it were going to fold in on itself. There was a sharp crystal-green streak of lightning careening through the air above him, and something was electrifying his shoulders. It raced its way through his arms and left sparks and scorch marks at the end of his fingertips.

Harry tried to open his eyes, but all he saw was a lovely shade of black with quick flashes of blue light. He closed them quickly as a wave of nausea overwhelmed him. Tears threatened to spill as he heard Hermione's loud scream. Sliding his head to the left, he saw blurred images crowded there. They angrily stared back at him. He tried desperately to regain control of his limbs and get up, but a barrage of body-racking coughs allowed him to do nothing but lie on the ground until it passed. Hermione continued to scream madly behind him and he couldn't block her out. Her scream morphed into his mother's painfully beautiful voice, calling out, "Harry!"

Suddenly, everything disappeared around him and he was walking through a forest. His feet stumbled over roots and underbrush as he pushed aside branches that pricked into his skin and clothes. There was no light, leaving only shadows and creeping movement.

I'm dying, he thought suddenly.

Harry remembered this place perfectly. He was near to the edge of the forest. As he continued onward, he tripped on a small root and fell onto the cold soft dirt. Every breath was a painful reminder that it was near to his last. He slowly pushed himself up and dragged himself forwards.

Finally, he came to the edge, where he could look up at the great castle of Hogwarts. He thought he'd never see it again. It was a strange feeling, knowing he was dying within the walls of that castle while looking upon it from the outside. He was dying. He could feel it in his blood.

Harry took a deep breath and traveled along the outside edge of the Forbidden Forest. There was a sound of twigs breaking behind him and he quickly spun on his heel. His eyes filled with water as he looked over his mother's face. She smiled sadly at him. He bit back a small sob and looked at her desperately.

Does it hurt?

*

 

He nearly fell off the bed as his body jerked upwards. Harry exhaled loudly while he blinked back tears. Oddly enough, he couldn't remember a single moment of the dream. All he could do was feel its ghostly remains. Although the summer heat was stifling, Harry couldn't help but shiver as a chill wound itself up his spine.

A crack of lightning had Harry's wand in his hand in an instant. The rain which hadn't been pouring when Harry woke up, thundered through the ceiling overhead, startling Harry. He looked around sharply only to realize how much of a complete idiot he was being.

"Get a grip, Harry. It's over."

He brushed his hair back, sighed, and fell back on top of the stiff mattress. He breathed slowly to calm his racing heart. After a few moments, he closed his eyes peacefully. Behind his eyelids, he could see her glowing green eyes staring right back at him. Does it hurt? His eyes snapped open once more. She was right of course. He could remember his mother's voice telling him softly that it would not hurt. It hadn't hurt. Dying was a simple motion. It was a quick thing. It was the aftermath that was painful. For Harry it was a grueling chore each day just to get up in the morning.

Dying was hard to live with. Yet walking the path to it was even worse. He knew he was going to die that day. He had walked a path that most people never have to struggle with. It had been the hardest moment in his life. Surely, it always would be, but he was having a hard time believing that now.

Harry groaned softly and tiredly rubbed his face. He was growing more and more exhausted each day. He breathed in deeply and looked over at his alarm clock. '3:55 a.m.,' the digits lazily blinked back at him. Glaring at the offending numbers, he snorted, pushed himself up, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Harry stared at the floor for a minute, in hopes of regaining some semblance of control. His hands were shaking as he brushed his bangs off of his forehead.

He watched a hairy little spider crawl across the greying floorboards of his bedroom. It scurried beneath a pair of discarded trousers, which caused him to wrinkle his nose. It would probably be a good idea to clean up the house a bit before going back to Hogwarts for the day. Sighing once again, he stood up and went towards the loo for a quick clean up. He needed a shower after yesterday's activities.

Harry realized that not much had changed for the Wizarding world. Everywhere he went he could hear the same people whispering behind cupped hands. Shopkeepers watched from a distance and children normally giggled or smiled fondly at him. With the aftermath of the war, came appreciative glances and advances to woo him. Harry took these all in stride. At least it was a positive look on his life. He no longer had to deal with the suspicious stares and the fear that had been hiding just beneath the surface. That's what he told himself, at least.

It turned out that he was wrong. Along with this delightful reception came those who felt it was all Harry's fault. He'd received daily Howlers asking, "Why didn't you save the life of my son?" or "Was my wife not worth helping?" It was sickening. Amidst the Howlers, there were a wide variety of wedding proposals and death threats. Harry wasn't sure whether he should laugh at them or tear out his hair. He finally made a decision to ignore them and just lay low for a short while.

Just when he had found some peace and quiet, he was asked to help rebuild Hogwarts. The heat was blistering, and it only seemed to serve as another way to bring him down. Yet, he stuck with it, and everyday he left early in the morning to lend his aid. Since he helped with the damage, Harry figured it was his duty to help fix it. It turned out it was also his duty to help with little Teddy Lupin as the subsequent godfather. As thoroughly terrifying as it had been the first time he'd held Teddy, it wasn't nearly as horrible as he remembered the second time though.

Truthfully, Harry enjoyed his time with Teddy. It turned out that Andromeda loved it just as much. It gave her ample time to clean the house and get some rest. It was his time with Teddy that left Harry feeling as though his life could go on and not suddenly implode on itself. Thoughts of the tiny baby usually gave Harry a small smile in the morning.

A quick clean up for Harry consisted of an hour and ten minutes in the shower. This normally ended with him shivering and sneezing from the tepid water. Another thirty minutes saw Harry standing in front of the stove cooking up a small breakfast of fried mushrooms, porridge and poached eggs with a cigarette in his hand. It wasn't a shocking occurrence that he'd taken up the awful habit. It helped soothe his frazzled nerves. Mrs. Weasley had tried to convince him it was a deplorable habit, but she currently had her hands full with George trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

As Harry was chewing his toast, a soft tapping noise sounded from the kitchen window. He got up and let the brown barn owl in, which promptly dropped the Prophet on the round table. It barely missed his bowl of porridge next to his tea. The bird soared through the smoky room and landed on the back of a chair. Folding its wings in neatly it haughtily glared at Harry. He grabbed a few sickles off the counter and placed it in the bag attached to the bird's foot. It bit his finger harshly and then flew off in annoyance.

"Ruddy bird."

That was another issue that Harry wasn't yet ready to deal with. He knew he needed to get another owl, but every time he thought about it, he felt guilty. He'd had Hedwig for six years. He loved her. When he was holed up in the Dursleys with no one to talk to, she was always there. Whether she nipped him gently for reassurance or gave him a good scolding tug on the earlobe, she was there; but not anymore. Harry shook his head free of the memories of her snowy white feathers gliding under his fingertips. He looked down at his swollen finger and stuck it in his mouth.

He opened the Prophet with his uninjured hand and quickly skimmed the headline. 'Day Four of Malfoy Trial: Potter Testifies.' Of course, it was blown completely out of proportion. They were desperately trying to scandalize every little bit about the Malfoys' Trial. They certainly were a bad lot to be seen with, but it wasn't Harry's fault that he stood trial defending the bastards.

Harry had nearly ground his teeth to naught the day Narcissa Malfoy knocked on his door. Only out of gratitude to Mrs. Malfoy for saving his own life had he even complied. Now, he wasn't so sure whether or not it was worth it. The Prophet was questioning his involvement with the Malfoys, which led to his involvement with the Death Eaters. For it was simply "incomprehensible that a young boy" -- which they loved throwing in every chance they got -- "could survive such dire circumstances." 

Harry snorted ruefully and thought about crumpling the damned thing, but a quick look at the accompanying picture had him captivated. He glared resolutely at the grey eyes staring back at him. Even after everything that had happened, the bastard still looked amazingly good.

Draco Malfoy's hair was perfectly placed and his skin seemed to glow even though it was a simple black and white photo. The prat had a snarky smirk gracing his lips and his eyes flashed dangerously. 'Scared, Potter?' they asked. Harry shook his head, got up, and threw the folded up paper away in the rubbish. Malfoy's face continued to stare up at him wickedly. He dumped the remains of his breakfast on top of the image of his rival, grinning in satisfaction over his small victory over the prat, even if it was only a picture.

He gulped down the last of his tea, finished off his smoke, and cleaned up the rest of his plates. He checked the clock on the wall and decided there was enough time to grab another quick cuppa round the corner. As it was still fairly early and a bit chilly, Harry wore a light jumper and grabbed his wand. He locked up the house and stepped outside into the drizzly morning. Despite the boisterous thunder storm from this morning the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds.

Harry took a deep breath of the crisp morning air from the lingering mist. Harry breathed in deeply. He looked around and saw a couple of Muggles smoking on the stoop near his. He shook his head miserably and walked beyond the small steps of Grimmauld Place. He walked at a slow pace and watched those around him. It wasn't a crowded street, but he did notice the few Muggles walking to and fro. They lived their lives in complete oblivion. He never thought he'd envy them, but today he just couldn't help it.

He walked into the little café near Grimmauld Place. He liked this coffee shop more than any other he'd seen in London, especially the bloody Starbucks a few blocks away. Harry reveled in walking the extra block through the noisy, bustling roadways just to enter the quiet of the quaint little shop. The rough wooden tables and chairs were well-worn, as were the hardwood floors under foot. The counter tops were laden with small knick knacks and beautiful glinting trinkets hung from the ceiling. The shop was made up of wooden sounds and comely smiles.

Harry walked up to the counter and shyly smiled at the young man with tousled hair behind the counter, his regular server.

"The usual, I assume?"

Harry nodded mutely and smiled again. The blond man grinned at him briefly and ducked behind the espresso machine for a few seconds. When he returned he had an on-the-go cup in one hand and a white to-go bag in the other.

He always loved coming to this store, mainly because they didn't make a show of everything. Sometimes, when Harry was more than a little early, he liked to sit in the far corner and simply watch the people interact with one another. The servers didn't bother him and he absolutely loved the sharp noises of the cafe. It was almost too perfect, which was probably due to the fact that these people were Muggles and had no idea who he was. This little tidbit only made Harry happier.

"Other than coming to this shop nearly every day, what else do you do?"

Harry stopped short as he pulled out a couple of notes and looked up at the brown eyes he found there. Normally, the servers never tried to chat Harry up. The man before him was smiling and was looking at Harry with a quirked eyebrow. His name tag read 'Jamie' in tightly scrawled handwriting.

"Uh, just work," Harry stuttered lamely.

"Oh. Well if you're ever in the mood for something other than just work, call me, all right?" he said as he slid a small card with some numbers on it in the same handwriting as his name tag. Jamie smiled again.

"Yeah, sure." Harry smiled back politely.

He finished paying Jamie and quickly left the shop. As he was pushed along the busy sidewalk, he gave one last bewildered look at the café before disappearing around the corner.

Harry walked a couple more blocks in the opposite direction and finally arrived at the Apparition point. He checked his watch, satisfied with its declaration that it was ten to six in the morning. He'd be there early enough that no one else would have arrived yet. He closed his eyes in anticipation, took a short breath and began to spin around.

When he next opened his eyes, he was facing the large iron gates of the castle pathway to Hogwarts. As he walked up to them, the gates creaked eerily as they permitted him entrance, Through the misty mourning air, Harry could vaguely see a dark shape standing close to the bottom of the school steps.

McGonagall was waiting with her back straightened and her menacing glasses gracing her face. Her lips were tightly held together as she took in his appearance. She gave a very small smile and clapped her hands. Harry smiled tightly at her and gave a short nod.

"Never one to disappoint, are you, Potter?" she inquired.

"No ma'am," he spoke quietly.

"There's simply too much work to be done today. I'm honestly not even sure we'll get it all done before the school year begins."

She shook her head and looked at the disastrous grounds around them. Every day, she asked the same question. 'Never one to disappoint, are you, Potter?' It was the same conversation they'd had over the past six weeks. It hadn't felt monotonous though. It just served as another reminder for Harry as to why he was fixing the damage. Sometimes he thought she asked him to help him remember the reason.

After all the events that had happened, they weren't going to let a little yard work get in the way of finishing up before the school year started. They had a few more weeks before it would be the first of September. They were running out of time and they both knew it. Even after all the work that had been accomplished, the damage was extensive.

She breathed in quickly and gave a small huff. He watched her eyes fill with some kind of emotion and then shutter in on themselves. She looked at him sharply and pursed her lips together again.

"All right, Potter. Today, I've got an important chore for you to work on. The inner wall near the Greenhouses needs some work. You know the policy. No --"

"--No magic, I know. The walls are unstable there as well?"

She cocked her head to the side and smiled sadly, "The walls are unstable everywhere. So, yes, no magic, and try not to hurt yourself. Merlin knows we need all the help we can get, and having you injured will not be productive to our goals."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. He had a vague notion that she was hinting at the incident with Seamus Finnegan, who'd pulled a muscle the other day, from lifting a large rock incorrectly.

Harry nodded again and smiled ruefully, "No worries, Professor. I'll stretch beforehand and be extra careful."

"Lunch is at the normal hour. If you need anything further, you know where I'll be." She turned around slowly and returned to the castle.

Harry looked around once more. Many of the trees from the Forbidden Forest had been uprooted, and crushed. It looked absolutely dreadful. He was glad he hadn't been put to fixing that yet, as the creatures in the forest were quite irritated. As it was, they were lucky they hadn't had to evacuate the forest. It seemed the only area to have extensive damage was the outer edge, closest to the main of Hogwarts. The inner sanctum was delightfully intact. The only major issue was that some of the creatures had been having more fights as of late. Harry assumed it was a combination of the damage, the space constraints, and the blistering heat that had been the normal weather pattern the last couple of weeks.

Harry continued to look at the edge of the forest. Of course, the creatures' tempers weren't the only reason Harry was glad he wasn't on forest duty. He'd rather give a Blast-Ended Skrewt a sponge bath than go near the forest again. 'Does it hurt?' The wind picked up and tousled his already messy hair. It served as a proper distraction and he shook his head free of the dangerous memories.

He looked past the vast fields of green to the blackened lake beyond. Most of the northern side of it was filled with rubble from the outer walls. Harry had suggested that since magic couldn't be used at this time, they should wait to the remove the massive blocks. Hermione had thought that the outer walls should be finished first. If enough security and stability could be attained, then and only then should they try removing the stones with magic. At the moment, the consensus was to wait. So, everyone was trying to fix the walls to help regulate the magic.

What was the use of a school of magic if none of the students could perform even the simplest of spells?

Harry slowly walked towards the dismal looking greenhouses. Two of the greenhouses had sustained a lot more damage than initially thought, leaving him thankful for Neville Longbottom's help. Professor Sprout was a saint as well, but she was working to secure the other greenhouses with similar - but less severe - damage. She held only a glimmer of hope that the two that Neville was currently working on would be returned to their rightful state before the term started.

Neville had been working on the houses steadily for about two weeks and had accomplished a great amount of work in such a short time. They still looked extremely depressing with shattered windows and broken frames; there certainly wasn't much left to be desired of the once beautiful classrooms. However, Neville had saved many of the more classic plant species and even salvaged a fair amount of mandrakes as well.

Currently, Neville was nowhere to be seen. Harry didn't expect him to be up yet. It was only quarter past six in the morning! Harry would have been surprised if any of the others were up yet. The lot of them usually stayed until just before the sun set and went out for drinks after. Harry always made sure to be the first to arrive in the morning and last to leave during the minimal vestiges of light. The group normally asked if Harry wanted to come with them, but he just didn't have the heart for trivial pastimes.

Glass crunched underfoot as he walked unsteadily through the wreckage. He went beyond the small buildings and saw the ancient foundation peeking above a small ridge further down the hill. Even from here, Harry could tell it was going to take him at least three days of hard, grueling work to finish the tiny section. He sighed heavily and continued to make his way down.

*

 

A couple of hours passed by and soon Harry heard others arriving and starting their work for the day. He looked up at the sky and stopped for a short break. It had started getting warmer since he started and the heat finally got to him. He quickly removed his shirt and let it fall down to the ground with a small flutter. It was a glorious day and was perfect for a Quidditch match.

Some of the others must have thought the same thing, for a Quaffle went soaring overhead, just a second later. It bounced off a broken piece of stone and landed in front of him. Dean Thomas came running over the edge of the hill and stopped short when he saw who was at the bottom. Harry grabbed onto the ball and walked up the hill.

"No need, Harry! Just throw it on up!"

Harry glared and snorted softly. When he finally came up over the crest of the hill, he saw at least six people all with brooms including, none other than his girlfriend, Ginny Weasley.

"Did you honestly think this was the time for games?" He looked at all of their faces and gave a sharp glare. Some of them looked guiltily at the hard ground. He was extremely disappointed, especially in Ginny.

"Come on, people! We've only got a month and a half before the start of school! And you all know that putting magical stress on the wards could cause them to fall. How irresponsible could you get?"

"We were just taking a break, Harry. The work will get finished in plenty of time before the beginning of the school year," Lee Jordan piped in happily.

"You all know how much I love Quidditch, and I could go for a good game about now, too. But there's just too much work to be done. Why do you think I work from dawn to dusk every single day? God, you'd think some of you would've grown up after what happened." He gave all of them a meaningful look. "Get back to work."

He began walking back to his project, Quaffle in hand. Some of them were muttering and Harry could feel them staring at his back, but he didn't care. Someone started chasing after him, which gave him cause to spin around. He came face to face with a freckled spotty smile.

"I said get back to work, Ginny."

Her bright smile crumpled into a small, hurt expression, but her eyes flashed with anger. She took a step back as he continued to glare at her. He shook his head, and turned away to continue down to the stone wall.

*

 

Half an hour later, McGonagall came down with a tray laden with a pitcher of fresh water, and a bowl of melon pieces. She'd found him pushing at a giant rock with the whole of his body. The damned thing wasn't budging, though. He stepped back for a moment and glared resolutely at the offending stone that refused to budge. He growled at himself and pushed against it once more. Finally, with a burst of energy, and a loud grunt, he toppled the giant monolith, and it fell over with a loud crushing noise. He gave a small victory smile and wiped his sweaty hands on his filthy trousers.

McGonagall looked on solemnly and coughed quietly to grab his attention. Harry turned abruptly and his eyes widened.

"Professor! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." He went over to help with the tray but she waved him off with her free hand.

"Sit down, Potter. You need a break." She placed the tray on an uneven slate of stone.

"Professor, I'm fine. I don't -"

"-Potter, don't make me repeat myself. Every day you say you don't need a break. I've been watching you for nearly an hour and not once did you notice me. So, I've brought you a small bit of nourishment. Help yourself."

He looked down at the tray and his stomach gave a small gurgle of approval. He sighed softly and made a grab for the melon. However, she slapped his hand away.

"Not with those hands. They're absolutely ghastly." She began to pull out her wand, but Harry shook his head.

"You can't, Professor. The wards, remember?" He pointed to the debris around them.

"Guess I'll just have to make do."

He grabbed one of the melon slices and threw it inside his mouth. After watching him finish the bowl and half of the pitcher, she finally spoke up.

"You don't have to act the enemy, Potter. I can manage that well enough on my own."

He looked at her, confusion shining clearly in his eyes.

"I'm not sure I follow, Professor."

"I'm talking about earlier this morning: the incident between you and your fellow companions?"

Harry's eyes darkened and he snorted softly.

"Listen, I just thought it was a bit irresponsible of them. They had only just arrived and already they were slacking off."

"I understand your position on the matter, but they're not like you and I, Harry. They don't completely understand the importance of all of this."

"Exactly! That's why I - "

"-No matter. I shall deal with the unruly ones; you just focus on working. I'm the professor. I'll give out the discipline. Understood?"

He gave a low nod. "Yes, Professor."

"Excellent. Now, if you're finished. I'll have a house-elf return with some more water. You could use it. Make sure to keep it in the shade, though, if only to keep it cool as long as possible."

Soon she was standing up with the tray and making her way up the hill. She balanced the tray with one hand as she pulled up the hem of her robe with the other. Harry stood up and gave an annoyed huff. He turned to the boulder sitting behind him and rolled his eyes heavenward. With a small, bitter smile, he gulped down the last of his water and resigned himself to completing the next large portion of the thick wall.

*

 

It was nearly twenty minutes past midday when Ginny Weasley came stumbling down the hill. She was wearing a rough-looking pair of jeans, dirt smeared all over, and a frayed, grey tank top. A flannel shirt was wrapped around her waist, accentuating her hips. The top of her white trainers were scuffed with mud but, even through all her dirt and filth, she had the biggest smile around.

"Harry!"

He turned towards the hill and shielded his eyes from the glaring sun overhead. The sunlight bounced off of her ginger hair as she skidded down the hill. She stumbled for a second, caught herself, and then fell the rest of the way down on her arse. Through the bangs hanging over her eyes, he could see her baring her teeth in a strained smile.

"Quite a travel, isn't it? I thought I'd never get down here."

Harry put aside the shovel he was using to pry at a piece of stone. She quickly pecked him on the cheek before he could back away.

"Hey, Ginny."

"McGonagall's got me working with Lee Jordan on the opposite side of the castle. We were in loads of trouble after this morning. C'mon, Harry, it's time for lunch! Aren't you hungry?"

He wiped at his sweat-covered brow and squinted his eyes. He looked around at the stones and the mortar lying in the shade. There was an enormous amount of work to be done before he was going to be satisfied. As he was about to decline the invitation, his stomach spoke up and made a nasty growl. Ginny arched an eyebrow and grinned.

"All right, but just a quick sandwich," Harry agreed, which garnered him another bright flash of white teeth. "Just let me throw my shirt on."

Since the beginning of the summer, Harry consistently refused to eat in the Great Hall with the others -- his reason being the noise -- so they both left for Hogsmeade. Ginny happily continued on with her story of how Lee, herself, and several others were being forced to clean up parts of the forest. Firenze had started the day by helping, but ended up as a distraction for some of the other girls. McGonagall had to come outside and ordered the girls to work on another section of the forest. At this Ginny averted her eyes. Harry had a feeling she might have been one of them, but he didn't particularly care.

As soon as they walked through the doors to the Three Broomsticks, they let out a heavy breath. It turned out they weren't the only ones who decided against attending lunch inside the Great Hall. Although it was crowded, the air was cool and a table soon opened up for them. Ginny hurried over to the small round table in the back as Harry followed after her. They had to wait a few minutes before Madam Rosmerta came over to take for their order. Ginny asked for some Butterbeer while Harry ordered a glass of water and some chips with mayonnaise. He slowly pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one.

"So, other than Firenze, my day's been pretty lame. How 'bout yours?"

Her hair was a frizzy mess, mostly from the humidity, with little drops of mud thrown in. A crease spread across her forehead as she watched him pull a drag off the little rolled up piece of paper. Her brown eyes shimmered with a bright light as she waited for Harry's answer. Oddly enough, Harry thought back to earlier that morning when he looked into Jamie's eyes. That's when it struck him. He'd been hit on by Jamie. At the time Harry had thought Jamie was just looking for a friend, but he wasn't. He had been looking at Harry with the same emotion Ginny was now throwing at him.

"I think I got hit on."

Ginny's eyes instantly narrowed into tiny slits. She looked down at her hands and began picking at her nails, even though there was nothing wrong with them.

"Oh?" Her tone of voice suggested her jaw was tightly set.

"Yeah, I think I got hit on by this bloke." He fiddled with his cigarette while staring at the grains in the wooden table. Ginny's head snapped up and her eyes widened.

"Wait a minute. A man?"

"Yeah. He even gave me his number on a card. At the time I thought he just wanted to hang out, but now that I think about it..."

"Oh! Give it here, I want to see."

He stuck the cigarette between his lips, dug around in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Inside the flap was the forgotten card. He handed it over to her without much of a thought as to otherwise.

"Harry it says here, 'if you're ever up for a good time'!"

"It does not, now give that here," Harry made a grab for the flimsy piece of card-stock but his girlfriend quickly pulled it away. He hadn't looked at the damned thing very closely, so he wasn't entirely sure she was pulling a joke.

"Well, it practically does. Oh, so his name is Jamie?"

"It's just his number. You're blowing this way out of proportion and yes, his name is Jamie."

He finally snatched the card out of her hands and returned it to his wallet. Ginny had a large grin plastered to her face.

"So, will you answer me honestly, Harry?" She rested her elbow on the table and gently placed her chin on her fist.

He looked up at her as he was putting his wallet back. "Hmm?"

"Are you gay?" She promptly broke out in a fit of giggles and Harry glared.

"Ginny!" She gave a small little snort and covered her mouth. 

Madam Rosmerta returned with their drinks and Harry's order of food. "Anything else, my dears?" she inquired politely, but when they both declined she bustled off to another set of customers. As soon as she was out of earshot, Ginny began laughing again.

"Oh, well, I suppose you can't be gay," she whispered dramatically.

Harry smothered his fries with a large helping of mayonnaise and popped them in his mouth. The motion made Ginny wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"And why's that?"

A large grin spread across her face once more. "Not with those clothes at least!"

He glared at her once again and she broke out in another fit of laughter. Finally, she had calmed herself and smiled mischievously at him. She laid one hand on the edge of the table and secretly snuck a few chips from the other side.

"I saw that."

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Ginny ignored the fact that she was caught and threw the stolen chips in her mouth, chewing politely.

"Why, going out with Jamie, of course" Harry teased.

He let his thumb slowly cross his lower lip while he watched her eat. He pulled another drag off of his cigarette and sniggered when her nose crinkled from the motion. Harry knew she hated it when he smoked around her. However he wasn't sure if it was a good sign that he enjoyed pissing her off so soon into their relationship.

"Well then, you'll need to buy a new shirt. Not to mention order up a shower." She sniffed his general direction and wrinkled her nose playfully. "Oh Harry, you simply reek."

"Thanks, I hadn't noticed" Harry added dully.

"Truthfully, what are you up to for tonight? Luna, Neville, and I are all going out. I was kind of hoping you'd come with us. I'm trying to set those two up, but they just don't seem to get it!"

"Ginny, you know I'm very busy. I've got to finish up here and head over to Andromeda's. It's been years since Andy's had to take care of a baby and Teddy's a bit of a handful."

"Oh, so it's Andy now? Should I be jealous?"

"Ginny! She could be my mother, for God's sake!"

"Just checking is all."

"I mean, we're practically sharing a bloody baby, Gin."

She was looking down at her hands once more with downcast eyes. Her lips were pouting as she slowly raised her eyes to Harry's.

"Yeah, I understand, but listen. You can't be busy all the time? C'mon Harry. How about we go to the beach this weekend? Just you, me, a blanket, and maybe I can steal a bit of food from Mum."

"I don't care for the beach and you know that, Gin."

"Well then, you decide. You need a break, Har. I need a break."

"I'd rather we just stay in."

"Okay then! We can have a small party or something. Let's celebrate the end of the war and how lucky we are to be alive!"

"I'm well aware of the fact that I'm breathing, Ginny, and you should be, too. I don't need a bloody party every night to tell me that." He drew the last drag off of his cigarette and stubbed it out. Suddenly, he couldn't stand being near his girlfriend at that moment. He stood up, threw down a few Galleons and left the small pub as quickly as possible.

She got up quickly enough where the chair wobbled unsteadily as she made a run for him "Harry! I didn't mean to make you upset. Come on!"

He gave a small, backwards wave, "Sorry, Ginny. I've got to get back to work. We'll talk later."

Harry was glad that Ginny hadn't chased after him. He wasn't sure he would've been able to handle her at that precise moment. Her constant chatter and immaturity was starting to wear him out. He really liked her. He had even proclaimed to have loved her. However, he wasn't entirely sure it was still true.

He had changed after the events of the final battle, and it was scaring the hell out of him. Instead of being released from the shadow of Voldemort he'd been placed under a different form of curse: fear. He was fearful that he was no longer good enough. He felt as though he wasn't needed any longer. He was constantly bombarded with the feeling. It trickled down his back like a rivulet of rainwater and pooled at the bottom of his trainers. But instead of dwelling on the emotion, he threw himself bodily into his work. He kept working until his body and his mind were both numb.

He slowly walked up the beaten path towards the greenhouses. The sun loomed overhead and Harry had to force himself up the daunting hill. Finally, he made it over the crown and breathed in deeply. With no one around, no work to settle, and nothing to bother him, Harry felt exposed. He no longer experienced the peace he had once felt. There was too much weight hanging on his shoulders.

As Harry calmly walked over to continue working from where he left off, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and was instantly alert. He slowly turned towards the shadow so as not to draw attention to himself and was overcome with a sense of foolishness. Neville Longbottom was enthusiastically waving at Harry.

"Hey, Harry."

"Hey, Neville, how are you?" he replied as he walked towards his friend.

"I'm doing well. Can't say the same for the greenhouse, though. For everything I fix, it's like I find two more things that are broken."

Harry sadly nodded along with Neville. "Yeah, that's about the way it seems to go with everywhere else, as well."

"But you seem to be doing pretty well on the stone wall down the hill." Neville smiled brightly at Harry's achievement, as though he were really proud of Harry's work.

"Well, I've probably got another two days of work ahead of me on that. And then whichever project McGonagall will have me on next. I keep telling myself if we get the outer walls fixed it will be easier." Harry scratched at the back of his sweat-covered head and looked behind Neville at the great walls of Hogwarts.

Neville's face was smudged with dirt, but suddenly lit up with a smile. "Oh yeah! As soon as we can use magic safely it should be loads easier." He started to turn around when he remembered something in particular.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could get your help for a minute. I can't seem to move some of the framework and not damage the Kanna trapped under it at the same time."

Harry readily agreed and set out to help him. He followed Neville through the ruins of the once-beautiful greenhouse. It was made up of a messy maze of ivy, plants, broken wood, and crumbling rocks. Tables were overturned and pots were shattered everywhere. It looked like no one had been working inside of it and, as he got further towards the back, the damage became worse. The floor was uneven with treacherous holes and daunting plants were growing wild. Many of the plants were shriveled masses being choked by wild English ivy. Others were hanging from the open ceiling and snaking across the open areas like streamers from a party.

Harry stumbled over an upended slate and wound up bumping head first into Neville's back. He fixed his glasses and apologized. Neville made a strange motion with his arm and Harry realized they'd arrived. There was a rather large section of framework that had been broken and had split across the tabletop. His glasses had smudged with sweat from Neville's back and he could vaguely see the plant the boy was talking about.

"The Kanna plant elevates the mood of a person, and helps decrease anxiety, stress and tension in most people. It's also one of the more exotic plants found mostly in Southern Africa. Five grams alone is worth about 150 Galleons."

Harry let out a low whistle and understood why they needed to salvage as much of the plant as possible. He walked over to the wooden support and thought methodically about what he should do.

"All right. First off, stay away from that plant over there." Neville pointed to a bright white flower only a foot away from Harry's arm.

"That's Nerium oleander. One of the most poisonous shrubs in the world."

"Why the bloody hell is there something like that growing at a school for children?" Harry inquired.

"The species can be beneficial in medicinal potions, Harry. Under normal circumstances, the greenhouse is locked up so I guess they didn't think anyone would get to it. All I ask is that you don't go near it. Simply touching it can cause an adverse reaction to the skin. Now, back to the Kanna. If you lift up the banister as high as you can, I'll quickly grab it from underneath the beam. Okay?"

Harry nodded silently. "Just give me a second."

He pulled his shirt up and over his head and throwing it on the ground to the side. He made a quick back stretch, planted his feet and tucked his hands underneath the thick piece of wood.

"You ready, Harry?" Neville asked and received a grunt of affirmation.

Harry pushed the beam upwards and breathed in deeply. He heard Neville scraping beneath the heavy structure, which had only been lifted about seven inches above the table. He could feel his arms beginning to burn and the sharp press of splinters into his palms. He silently cursed himself for not wearing gloves.

Finally, Neville pulled out the last remnants of the plant and told Harry that he was finished. Harry gently placed the hunk of wood down and examined his hands critically. It was no good, as his glasses were still smudged.

"You should go to Pomfrey and have her look at those."

"I'm sure I'll be fine, Nev." He picked up his shirt from the floor and pulled it on slowly.

"If you're sure, Harry. But you know if it gets infected you could get staff infection or -"

"All right, Neville! I'll go see Pomfrey." He held up his hands in surrender. Neville smiled sheepishly, both arms loaded with curling Kanna plants.

"Thanks for the help, Harry."

"It's no problem. If you need me again, just ask, okay?" Harry turned away and began walking through the rubble.

"Yeah, I will. Hey, Harry!" Harry turned back to look at Neville.

"You're comin' tonight, right?"

"I don't think it's the best idea."

"Oh?" Neville asked, perplexed.

"Ginny and I had a bit of a row earlier. So I don't think I will."

"That's all right, but you should consider coming out one night. You've been taking things a lot more serious as of late. And I completely understand why, but it's not your burden any longer, right?"

At this Harry kept silent.

"Listen, Harry." Neville stumbled towards him, appearing to juggle the plants while trying to keep balance. "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me, yeah?"

"Neville, I'm fine. I don't -"

"No, you're not. You haven't been fine in a long while, Harry. Everyone can see that you need a break. And I'm not talking about a lunch break. I mean you need a break. A vacation or something. Everyone can see it. Everyone knows it. And nobody will hate you for it. Just so you know."

"Neville. I appreciate the advice, but I can't just take a break and relax." Harry whispered the end, defeat strong in his voice.

"Sure you can. Haven't you wanted to get away from the stress? Haven't you ever wanted to just sit down and be at peace? If you haven't, then you're the biggest idiot of them all. Everyone wants to get away every now and then, and you certainly need, and deserve, it." Neville then gave a small smile and said he had to go work on retrieving the Oleander plant that he'd pointed out earlier.

Harry said his goodbyes to Neville and wished him luck with the rest of the plants. He thought about Neville's words on his way to Madam Pomfrey, who was encamped within Hogsmeade. Since magic couldn't be used on the grounds of Hogwarts, Madam Pomfrey had been set up on the outskirts of the small Wizarding town.

Harry could vaguely hear Neville in the back of his mind, telling him he needed a break. He shook himself free of the thoughts that washed over his aching head. He was so very tired, and he was quickly getting a migraine. He pulled out a cigarette from the black case hidden in his back pocket and promptly lit it on fire with the accompanying Zippo. He closed his eyes in hopes for some semblance of peace as he inhaled deeply. The smoke curled itself up and around his nostrils as he slowly exhaled.

He was about a minute away from Madam Pomfrey's temporary hospital. It looked like a measly little tent from the outside, but Harry knew better. The outer illusion hid the true intention of the infirmary. The inside was a large bunk area with six camp-beds. At the end of the room was a small office, separated from the rest by curtains. He quickly took a few more puffs off his stub and threw it on the ground.

Now that he was in Hogsmeade, he could perform spells if he needed. He quickly directed a 'Scourgify' across his body to help with the smell of the cigarettes, lest Madam Pomfrey catch him and gave him another lecture about the merits of being healthy.

Minutes later, she had spelled the wood chips away but hadn't let him leave without a grueling affair about the smell on his clothes. He lied to her, telling her that he had quit a few days prior and the smell hadn't given way yet. Then Harry returned to his workplace, not stopping for anything else. He'd already lost nearly half the day.

*

 

Several hours later, he had forgotten almost all of the conversation he shared with Neville Longbottom. He heard the others leaving, saying their goodbyes to one another, when he heard his name being called. He looked up and saw Neville smiling. He gave a short little wave in Harry's direction. Harry gave a nod back and turned away to focus on the task set out before him. The conversation flooded back and washed away the rest of the noise from the others. You need a break, Harry. Nobody will hate you for it. Neville didn't understand the pressure that Harry suffered. Yes, they would hate him if he just up and left for a bloody break. As far as Harry was concerned, the Wizarding world still needed him. Or at least that was the impression he got from Kingsley.

Ginny never came down to say goodbye like she normally did and Harry was oddly hurt by it. He'd like to at least try to continue a relationship with her, a friendship at the very least. He liked to think that working things out was what couples did. Yet what usually transpired was Harry apologizing for being some kind of jerk. Ginny never apologized. She always was the one who was wronged in the end. He sighed heavily as he continued with his work.

He worked until the very last vestiges of light had cascaded across the horizon. The landscape surrounding him was transformed into a wonderful world filled with bright orange glows and angry red rays of light. Finally, the sun fell behind a mountain and told Harry it was time to head home. Harry hardly ever went straight home, though.

He tiredly walked up the hill. Though the sun had set, the air was thick with humidity and caused Harry to breathe heavily. He was panting by the time he reached the top and looked about the shadowed hill. No one, he thought to himself. He was always the first to arrive and always the last to leave.

*

 

Half an hour later, he was knocking on Andromeda Tonk's front door. The tired woman answered the door and politely let Harry in. She helped him with the groceries in his arms, which he had bought for her.

"You look exhausted, Harry," she said, her blue eyes full of concern.

He sat down heavily on the plain looking couch and gave a lethargic grunt. 

"It's been a long day. McGonagall's got me working on a section of wall that's being a terror. So, where's Teddy?"

"He's asleep. I put him down about ten minutes ago. He'll be out for a couple of hours," she called out from the kitchen.

She placed all of the freezer items away and came back to sit on the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked over at Andy. Her hair was tied in an unkempt knot with bits of auburn frizz sticking out here and there. There was a stain down the front of her blouse, and a smear of sauce on her cheek.

"You look a right mess, Andy."

"It was one of my better days, then."

Her smile was getting bigger with each day, and her eyes weren't as morose as they had been before. Harry was glad to see that she was beginning to move on. It was a harsh reality, but Andy really didn't have any time to grieve. She had a newborn to care for. It was partially why Harry had promised to help her as much as possible. He wanted to make sure that Teddy knew he was loved. He also didn't want Teddy to ever feel as if he was a burden. Most of all, he wanted to give a bit of happiness back to Andy. He wasn't sure why, but he felt as though he owed her. As though it was his fault that her daughter and son-in-law had died in the last battle.

"I made an extra serving of meat sauce and linguine. Would you care for some?" she asked softly.

"It sounds great, but I should head back home."

"Harry. I made extra because I know you have nothing back at Grimmauld Place. Please? If you won't let me heat up a plateful for you, at least let me wrap some so you can take it home?" She was extremely soft-spoken and her voice was very soothing to Harry's ears.

"All right. But only one plate."

Andromeda, of course, made sure the plateful was piled high with lots of linguine, and filled a separate bowl with the sweet sauce. While he was waiting, Harry got up and started picking up the living room. There were a few plush toys lying about, along with the thick blanket spread over the carpeted floor. He picked up the empty bottles and walked into the kitchen where Andy was standing in front of the sink. Her hands were braced on either side of the metal tub and she had her head bowed. Harry could hear soft sobs coming from the tall woman. He swallowed tightly and closed his eyes. He hated seeing such a strong woman, broken from so much pain. He hadn't known her for very long, but from what he'd seen --or, more importantly, hadn't seen -- in the past weeks, he knew she was a very strong woman.

Harry set the bottles on the wooden table to his right and walked up to stand behind the brunette. He lightly touched her shoulder and felt her stiffen.

"Andy, it's okay to be sad. You have a right to it, you know." he whispered softly.

She slowly turned around and pulled him in for a hug. Her body shook as she let out all of her sorrow on Harry's shoulder. He let her cry until she had no more tears, and even then she just held on to him as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Listen, how 'bout I take Teddy for the weekend, and you get some rest. How does that sound?" he asked softly.

She sniffed loudly, and pulled away, nodding all the while. "Okay, but you won't be smoking around him." She tugged on his collar, smoothing it down, and then wiped her right eye with the sleeve of her blouse.

"Of course not. You know I'd never; I swear on it." There were creases around her eyes as she smiled sadly.

"Hmm. I also recall you swearing you were going to quit."

"I will, just not yet," he said, smiling sadly back at her.

"So, this weekend?" he repeated.

She nodded and smiled again. "Are you positive you can handle him?"

Harry rolled his eyes and gave her a large smile. "Please, Andy, I've taken care of him before."

"All right. It'll give me plenty of time to myself and even more time to get you something for your birthday. Oh, don't give me that look. You didn't honestly believe that I'd forgotten. It's only a week away mind you, but I remembered."

"I've sworn to never argue with a crazed grandmother about spoiling the younger generation, so I guess I'll just have to live with it." He received a sharp pinch for his cheek.

*

 

Three hours later Harry had returned to Grimmauld Place with his stomach full. He had ended up staying and keeping Andromeda company for half the night. Teddy didn't wake up while he was there, but Harry was tired and had to head on home. He told Andromeda he'd be over Friday morning to pick up Teddy.

He kicked off his shoes and dove, head first, for the bed. The house was hot and sticky from the humidity. He'd opened up all the windows earlier to let in the fresh July air, but the house was still oppressive with the thick muggy air from the stifling heat. Harry was covered in a layer of sweat and he was bloody tired. He knew he'd never get any sleep with the heat as heavy as it was. He lay wide awake across his bed, with only a sheet for decency. His eyes were drooping, but only because he was completely exhausted. He had so much work to do this summer. There was a lot of work the others had to take care of, as well, but Harry was taking it more to heart. He just couldn't stop thinking about the work ahead of him.

The others didn't see Hogwarts like he did. They saw it as a school; while Harry saw it as a home. Of course, now he had Grimmauld Place, but he knew it'd never be the same. He knew he wasn't going to have a slow weekend, either, because Teddy really was quite a handful. Harry would have to buy some groceries in the evening again just to keep Teddy and himself happy. He was thinking of random things when his thoughts finally settled on Ginny.

He closed his eyes as he thought about her shining hair and her bright smile. Harry really didn't like the beach; he wasn't lying but, when she suggested he pick something else, he really wanted to tell her he just wanted to be left alone. He couldn't say that to her face without upsetting her, but when she suggested he needed a break, he could not have agreed more. He needed a break, not only from work and Teddy, but from Ginny, as well.

Just then a cool breeze came in from the window. It felt like angel's feathers against his skin as he lay on the hard mattress. Within minutes, Harry was fast asleep with Neville's voice echoing in the recesses of his mind, telling him no one would hate him.

*

 

Harry's senses were overwhelmed. The sun was glaring high above and he was covered in sweat. The day was wearing him thin as he found himself crouched along the ground, pushing against another stationary stone. He looked up when he realized he didn't hear anything. Normally, he could hear the chatter of others carried to him on the wind. However, as much as he strained his ears, he didn't hear anything, not even the chirp of a bird or the buzz of an insect. He was suddenly filled with an enormous sense of fear. He stood slowly and walked up the treacherous hill. The peak of the hill came all too soon and his vision was flooded with the colour red. Blood. There were splatters of the fresh liquid all across the stone walls. It was everywhere.

The grass was stained with it and there were drag marks in the dirt, leading in every direction. The ground was covered with signs of a small battle. He crept along in what shadows he could find and crouched along the base of a large limestone rock. His wand was instantly in his hand, but he still wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do. The grass came up to his calves and tickled the skin there as he waited silently. There wasn't a sliver of movement anywhere. He looked all around him, but couldn't see anyone on the grounds either. Harry's thoughts were a jumbled mess as he stared at his home in sick wonder.

He kept looking, searching for a sign, anything that would tell him what happened; all he found was more blood and dancing shadows. The shadows were all wrong, though. They were swaying and moving slowly. He followed them to their origin and stood stalk still in fear. He finally succumbed to the dread curling in the pit of his stomach as he peered up at the tall Whomping Willow. In its branches hung the bodies of his companions: Neville, Madam Rosmerta, Luna, Ron, Hermione, Professor McGonagall, George Weasley, Fred, Dobby, Dumbledore, Tonks, Remus, and Sirius. Their faces were dappled with small gatherings of light and shadows as the leaves twitched. They swayed like grotesque Christmas baubles in the calm wind.

As his eyes looked from one face to the next, he realized it was everyone he'd ever known or loved. It was heart-wrenching. Their faces were vacant, covered in blood, their bodies hanging like limp dolls. At the base of the tree, he could see Ginny tied up. The tree's branches and leaves shivered and fidgeted. He couldn't help himself as he walked towards the daunting willow. Ginny's face was frozen with a dead smile upon her lips. Her once-lively eyes were dull and clouded over. Suddenly, her face and body morphed and he was looking upon his mother's face. She could only move her head slightly as she raised her eyes to Harry's.

'Does it hurt?' her eyes seemed to call out.


	2. Part 2

Harry woke with a great shudder and fell off the bed. His stomach lurched and he scrambled for the loo, where he emptied his stomach. Liquid poured out of his nose and mouth as tears fell from his eyes. He could still see his friends drenched in their own blood. It covered their arms and faces, marring their once happy smiles. He was overcome by a sudden irrational fear that they were all gone.

He was sick until there was nothing left in his stomach, but his body continued to shudder with the harsh dry heaves. He laid his face against the cold porcelain bowl as he clutched onto its sides for strength. The tiled floor was biting into his kneecaps as another wave of nausea overtook his body.

Harry spent nearly half an hour crying over the memory of losing his friends before he finally composed himself. He wiped away the snot and pulled himself up to the sink. He took a few deep breaths and washed his face and hands. Looking into the mirror, he saw large, dark circles under his eyes and long frown lines etched into his face. He felt so old looking into his own desolate eyes.

He returned to the bedroom and lay down. The clock on the bedside cabinet was glowing, shining '12:46 a.m.' upon his tired face. He thumped his arms against the bed in a fit of anger and finally covered his face in anguish with the palms of his wet hands. 

Harry Potter was bloody tired of it all. He was tired of the pressure he had to deal with each day. He was tired of every little detail that concerned him. He was aggravated with the Howlers, the secretive whispers, everything! He was sick of picking deer ticks off the back of his legs at night, working day in and day out, and most importantly he was sick of the daily nightmares. God, Harry thought to himself in frustration, I need a vacation.

His eyes snapped open as he realized they were right. Harry needed a break. Everyone had been telling him he needed it. Why didn't he listen to them? He thought long and hard about the merits of a small vacation. He couldn't just leave now, though, not with Hogwarts the way it was, but maybe after? What about school then? Harry thought sadly.

It isn't like I need to finish my schooling, he thought. 

After the battle, Harry had decided against becoming an Auror. The nightmares that were left over from the war were enough encouragement that he'd made the correct decision. If he couldn't handle them now, what would it be like to deal with the blood and gore for years to come? No, Harry wasn't up for being an Auror. He didn't have the energy anymore. 

Harry was floundering at the moment. He wasn't sure what he wanted to become or, more clearly, what he wanted to do for work. He'd been working all of his life to defeat Voldemort; he almost expected to keep doing that for the rest of it. Harry closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He thought long and hard until he finally succumbed to sleep once more.

Harry woke up to his alarm clock flashing a blurred '7:15 a.m.'. Harry's eyes widened, when he realized he was late. He rushed through his morning routine, only taking a fifteen minute shower -- which he believed wasn't good enough -- but he'd have to deal with it. He grabbed a bath bun off of the counter and a bottle of water out of the fridge. His stomach rumbled from the mistreatment as he hadn't had his tea, or coffee, yet! Muggles watched him suspiciously as he ran with double speed to the Apparition point. He turned the corner and nearly skidded directly into the wall, and quickly Apparated.

Lee Jordan had appeared only a few feet away from Harry. Harry paid him no mind, however, as he rushed up the hill. He finally reached the front steps, where McGonagall had been waiting patiently for the stragglers of the day. He breathed heavily as he tried to get his words out evenly.

"Professor, I'm so sorry!" he wheezed.

Harry was in better shape than he had been before. He was eating regular meals and was getting a nice work-out through the rebuilding process, but he didn't have the time for running exercises so it was no wonder he was out of breath.

She held up her hand and watched as Lee came up next to Harry. Ignoring the raven-haired man for the moment, she gave Lee his assignment for the day.

"Mister Jordan, I believe you should continue to work in the forest alongside Firenze."

Lee nodded with a grimace and turned towards the depressing forest. She turned to Harry and told him she'd like a word. She ventured towards the castle and Harry followed her inside. They stepped over and around little mounds of rubble here and there, continuing further onward. Abruptly, McGonagall turned to him and spoke sharply.

"Potter, you're exhausted. Even I can see that, so I'm ordering you to take the day off and to get some rest."

"But Profess-"

"-I'll have none of that, Potter. I know you feel it's your job to fix Hogwarts, but I don't want you to come undone in the process."

"But-"

"-I've made up my mind, Potter."

"Professor!" She looked down and surveyed his calm face. "I understand what you're saying, but I've already made up my mind."

"Oh?"

"I'm not returning for the school year. I'm gonna -- I'm going to take some time off and travel the world."

"Oddly enough, Potter, this does not come as a surprise."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"With everything you've been through, all that you've sacrificed, I didn't expect you to show up when I wrote to you in the beginning of summer. I might have expected you to take a break then, not now. I'm glad you've finally decided it's time to cut yourself some slack." She placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

"I'm still determined to help with the school, Professor, but I realize now that I need a vacation. So the moment the wards are stabilized and you can use magic to fix the rest of the school, I'll be leaving. All right?"

"You are, and I say this with the utmost respect, a delightful fool." Her eyes had watered slightly but, with the wall sconces being the only light source, Harry wasn't sure whether or not it was a trick of the flickering firelight.

"So, is it all right if I work today? I mean, there's only so much work left 'til the walls are complete." He bit his tongue as she deliberated for a moment.

"Only if you can honestly look me in the eye and tell me you can handle it." Harry knew she was inquiring about more than just a day's worth of work, but he let the implication hang in the air.

"Of course." He never blinked.

She gave a stern nod and told him to continue on his work from yesterday. When he returned to the stone wall hidden by the steep hill, Ginny Weasley was sitting in the shade, ripping up bits of grass and throwing them at the ground. Her lower half was mostly hidden by the tall blades; he vaguely wondered if she knew there were a lot of ticks in the area. Harry came stumbling down the hill and landed in front of her.

"Is Teddy all right?"

Harry looked at her with worry in his eyes. "Why wouldn't he be?"

"Well, normally you get here so early but, I noticed you arrived later than usual today. I just thought it might've been something to do with Teddy."

"I had a late start."

"Oh." A calm breeze shifted the air between them and they both looked everywhere but at each other. Harry cleared his throat and finally spoke up while watching the grass wave about.

"So, how was your evening out?"

"Oh! Pretty good. We ended up going out for some drinks. Neville was nervous most of the time, and Luna was, well Luna." She smiled impishly and grinned shyly at Harry but he didn't see it.

"Yeah. I bet it was a little awkward between the two."

"Not really. They're pretty oblivious."

"Ginny, I'd like you to stay and chat but I've really got to get to work on the wall." He finally pulled his eyes away from the grass moving in the wind. He looked over to her blank face.

"I-I understand. I'll, uh, see you at lunch?" she asked hopefully. Harry nodded slowly and slid his eyes away from her face again. He couldn't tell her yet. She wasn't ready and neither was he.

Harry's birthday came and went without much of a fuss. He wasn't bothered by that in the least; instead he was gratified that he could enjoy his birthday with Teddy and Andy without any trouble. Ron and Hermione had come over for a couple of days and were in awe by the sheer motivation he had as he went to Hogwarts every day. He hadn't told them about leaving yet, but he was working his way up to it. Truthfully, he hadn't told anyone other than McGonagall.

In between working on the walls, Harry found himself researching everything from Wizarding passports and working visas to countries that sounded appealing. With the help of the Ministry Libraries and Diagon Alley, he was able to find a lot of information and, in the end, it helped him make the appropriate decisions. Harry had decided he was going to New Zealand and then Australia. He really hoped to see an Antepodean Opaleye. The dragon was native to New Zealand, but was often found in the lower half of Australia. Harry wanted to experience everything he possibly could so he gave himself no limitations as to where he was heading. Considering he'd already dabbled in the world of backpacking through his journey with Ron and Hermione earlier in the year, Harry wasn't as afraid of the unknown as one might think.

It wasn't until the Sunday after his birthday that Harry finally decided to tell Andromeda. It was turning out to be a beautiful morning as even the air seemed to be sprinkled with wet dew. He was nervously standing outside her door and felt horribly guilty. Fear was sliding up and down his back and crawling along his forearms. Harry felt as though a heavy stone had dropped to the bottom of his stomach and settled there. He felt guilty because he felt as though he was abandoning her and Teddy. He wanted to give her a fair warning before he left. At the moment, he knew he wasn't going to be able to give her much information. He wasn't sure how long he was going to be away.

Harry twitched and pulled at the hem of his shirt. He tried to flatten his hair; even with it grown out a little, it was a fruitless gesture. He thought about pulling out a cigarette, but knew Andy would never let him inside with it. Eventually, he gathered up as much courage as he could and knocked lightly on the door. He waited, biting his lip all the while, until Andromeda finally answered.

"Harry! I wasn't expecting you."

Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and she was wearing a tan-coloured tank top with brown Capri leggings. Her lips parted and she gave Harry a blindingly bright smile.

"Come on in." There was a small cry from within that had the beautiful woman's attention.

"I see Teddy's up for breakfast" he called out as he shook off his jumper and hung it up in the front hallway.

"Hah! Teddy's been up since his midnight snack."

"He hasn't been that bad, has he?" Harry rounded the corner and smiled as he watched her pick up little Teddy. Currently, he was sporting angry red locks. It morphed wildly into a fiery orange and then back to the upset red colour. He was crying heavily but the rocking motions Andromeda was making soothed him. Finally, his hair had changed to a dark brown and he was gurgling happily.

"I'm only joking Harry. No, he's doing much better. Much better than Dora was when she was this old. Thank Merlin for small mercies. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive one of those tantrums. Not at my age, at least."

Harry shook his head and chuckled. She was certainly doing better. It had only been three months since her daughter's passing. Teddy seemed to be helping her move on.

Harry walked over and took the infant out of her arms. She gave him an appreciative smile and made for the kitchen. He was so used to holding a baby that it was like second nature now. Support the head and make damned sure his nappy is clean, or all hell will break loose. Harry patted Teddy's bum lightly. 'Yup, the day is safe from the denizens of evil once more. Or at least for another couple or hours,' Harry thought as he grinned at his own joke.

Andromeda came back with a small bottle and a dishcloth draped over her shoulder. She gave the bottle to Harry and he fed Teddy.

"So what brings you over this early, Harry? Not that I mind," she added quickly. Andromeda smiled warmly and sat down on the sofa. Harry sat on the chaise opposite of her.

"I have something I need to talk to you about." He looked down at Teddy, who was focused solely on the bottle in his mouth.

"You make it sound like it's something serious. Is everything all right?"

Harry didn't dare look up at her. He was beginning to regret not having had that cigarette earlier.

"Ginny and I are, uh, we're okay, I guess, but that's not the reason I'm here." He rocked Teddy softly who was pawing at Harry's shirt. He gathered up as much courage and strength as he could muster and pushed forward.

"I'm leaving." he blurted out. He didn't dare look up at Andromeda to witness her reaction. "I've been told so many times that I need a break, and I only recently conceded the fact. So, I've decided to go backpacking across the world." He swallowed the lump in his throat and breathed shallowly.

"Oh Harry, that's fantastic!"

Harry's head snapped up and he watched her eyes glow with warmth.

"You're not angry?"

"Of course not! Why would I be?"

"Well, I thought since I help so much with Teddy... I just thought you'd be mad. I mean, I'm just up and leaving."

"Oh Harry, don't be ridiculous. You're not up and leaving. You're telling me right now, aren't you? You're a responsible young adult and you've been there for me and Teddy, but you need to find some peace for yourself and I understand that completely. Believe it or not, I was eighteen once, too."

Harry's cheeks were burning with shame as he looked back down at Teddy. His little fingers were wrapped around the bottle. He gave a little push and the bottle popped out of his mouth and went rolling onto the floor. He spat up a little and kicked his feet. Andromeda stood up and walked over with the cloth in her hand. She sat down next to Harry and tended to Teddy's messy face. After a few minutes of Teddy's gurgling and blinking sleepily, Harry spoke up.

"I'm glad you don't hate me."

Andromeda looked at his face. Her eyebrows furrowed sadly.

"Harry. I could never hate you. You've done so much for us. You deserve a little time to yourself. Plus, it'll give you time to see the world. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did when I was your age."

"You went backpacking?"

"How else do you think I became so prolific with healing and cleaning spells? You need to know those; it's that or have a massive amount of plasters with you at all times. This outing will be a good thing for you, Harry. It'll give you some time to breathe properly. I have one question for you, though."

"Anything."

"Have you figured out where you'll be heading yet?" Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she grinned down at Harry.

A few hours later, Harry was helping Andromeda make a chicken and kale stew that smelled delicious. Harry was chopping the chives and bay leaves while Andromeda stirred the noodles and hummed happily. Harry thought that they made a great family under the sad circumstances. It was a family that Harry would do anything in his power to keep safe. Most days, Harry felt as though he was closer to Andromeda than he was to Ginny, or even Hermione or Ron.

Harry wouldn't dare deny the relationship he had with Hermione and Ron was a special bond, but it was different with Andromeda. She was the strong, intelligent, and caring mother that he'd always longed for.

Lately, his friendship with Ron and Hermione had been strained. Harry and his friends were still close, but the two of them were romantically involved now, and it made Harry feel out-of-place. Even when Ginny joined their outings, Harry felt as though he was a third wheel. He knew that his friends were moving on with their lives and he should, too. As Ron and Hermione grew closer together, their relationship with Harry grew more tangled. Harry was trying very hard not to be jealous of their happiness without him but it was slowly eating away at him. They still made time to have dinner at Harry's place every Friday, but it was starting to become a tense affair.

Hermione had already made the decision not to return to school, which had shocked everyone. She was taken on for an apprenticeship program with St. Mungo's Hospital, where she was studying non-stop. Her mentor, Madam Voadicea, was a woman with a stern demeanour and numerous years as a Healer. Hermione had already expressed her desire to become an Unspeakable, which required classes in healing and several other subjects that Hermione wasn't allowed to mention. She spent most, if not all, of her time studying and practicing healing magic and its theories. Along with these courses and training, she was prepping for her N.E.W.T.s directly before school started. This left little time to catch up with Ron, let alone Harry.

Ron, on the other hand, was keeping shop at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes while George composed himself. With the end of the war, people were looking to celebrate and, as such, business was rising. Ron expressed to Harry how much he loved the shop, and wished he didn't have to return to Hogwarts. However he knew he had to return if only for the sake of his mother. She'd already been through so much as it was and Ron didn't have the heart to disappoint her.

"Harry." He shook himself free of his thoughts and looked over at Andromeda.

"Hmm?"

"Have you told Ginny yet?"

She tapped the wooden spoon on the edge of the pan and started draining it over the sink. The sudden question caused him to nearly cut his finger off. He set the knife off to the side and looked over his shoulder at her. She was shaking the colander back and forth and humming ever so softly.

"I haven't really had the time." It was a blatant lie and he knew she was going to call him out on it, but he wasn't sure what else he could say.

"Harry." She placed the colander in the sink and turned around to look at him. "Just think of it as a plaster. The faster you pull it off the less it hurts."

"I, uh, I care about her..." He looked down at his trainers. They were caked with dry mud and left flakes of dirt on the tiled floor. It was a wonder that Andromeda even let him in the house some days.

"But you don't love her anymore, do you?" she whispered.

He looked up at her concerned eyes and bit his lip. He averted his eyes and slowly shook his head 'no'.

"You need to tell her, Harry. Otherwise, she's not the only one who's going to get hurt."

"What d'ya mean?"

"She has five older brothers, Harry, not to mention Molly as a mother. You figure it out." She gave him a lopsided grin. "It'll be better if you just tell her now. That way she's not waiting for you when you get back."

The conversation turned a mild corner as Andromeda quickly changed the subject to the Quidditch Playoffs. She had taken to listening to the radio with Teddy during the days and, since Harry didn't have the time, she usually brought him up to speed. At the moment, the Appleby Arrows were a good throw-in along with the Toyohashi Tengu, but it looked like the Moutohora Macaws were going to take the World Cup.

He thought over her advice as they both continued to cook and talk about the latest Quidditch scandal; which featured Kaonashi using illegal potions to enhance his skills. He had to tell Ginny the truth. She deserved to know how he really felt. He just had to find the courage to do so. Andromeda was right, which she usually was. Harry needed to tell Ginny and then maybe they could work on becoming just friends again.

"So, do you know when you're leaving yet? What else have you planned?"

Harry was accustomed to this tactic. Andy would push the subject until she crossed a line. Suddenly, she'd pull back, and cover it up with some trivial conversation. After thoroughly distracting him she'd ask some more questions. She knew how to weasel things out of him very easily. Maybe it was because of her Slytherin family or maybe it was because she was such a warm person. Whatever the reason happened to be, she was really good at it.

"Andy, you don't have to play that game tonight. You're curious, I know. I know I'll be leaving fairly soon. Once the wards are set up at Hogwarts and I've got everything packed together. I'll head out. You don't have to worry too much, though. I'll make sure to come say goodbye properly and I'll also be sure to write while I'm gone."

"You bloody well better. Or I'll have to find you myself, you little nuisance." He ducked his head but she still got a hold of the tips of his hair and pulled lightly. "You know you'll have to get an owl for that, though, right?"

"It's on my to-do list."

"Ahh, another name for that would be the 'putting-it-off' list."

Andromeda gave a sly grin and nudged his shoulder a little with her own.

"If you're really concerned about it, Harry. I can come and help pick out a bird with you."

He thought about it for a moment but shook his head.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll take care of it myself. I've been meaning to go shopping. Maybe I'll do it this weekend."

A week and a half passed and Harry had yet to buy an owl or tell Ginny about his plans. He had to figure out a way to tell her, though, and quickly. School would start in less than three weeks and the walls had been finished two days previous. It had taken Professor McGonagall an entire day to reset and secure the wards, but it had worked. Hogwarts was now able to utilize and retain magic. The rest of the repairs to the school were going smoothly and people were less irritable.

Professor McGonagall had inquired as to when he was going to be leaving, but Harry had yet to set a date. He told her he was thinking about the weekend before school began, however, he still had loads to pack and even more to buy. He kept reciting the old philosophy on backpacking in his head; 'pack everything that was necessary and then throw half of it away.'

That was how Harry found himself pushing his way through a crowded Diagon Alley, finally, stopping to stand in front of Eeylops Owl Emporium. He was contemplating the actual need for an owl, but knew if he didn't have one, Andromeda would have his hide. He fidgeted with the small lit cigarette in his left hand while his right hand played with the stubble on his chin. He breathed in the last of the cigarette and stubbed it out on the cobblestone path. He quickly Vanished the litter with a wave of his wand, pulled on the door handle, and walked inside.

The shop was dimly lit and absolutely filthy. He walked very slowly, trying not to startle any of the birds. His eyes were drawn to a snowy white owl, the light seemed to glow and bounce off of its shimmering feathers. He had to avert his eyes from the haunting image. He turned blindly and ran into a perch with a screech owl on top of it. The reddish-brown owl instantly began a loud trill, which caused the other owls to start hooting and barking as well. Harry threw his hands over his ears and began stumbling backwards. He backed up into something hard, but tripped over his own feet and fell. He felt the world rush past his ears as he fell down on top of the other object.

Harry stiffened in the dark room. It turned out the other object was, in fact, a person.

"You imbecile!"

'Of course, it would have to be him,' Harry thought morosely. He pushed himself upwards and shuffled away from the other young man. In the dark shop he could see the pale blond hair reflecting glimmers of candlelight. For all the light's reflecting, it seemed to be absorbed by his dull and emotionless grey eyes. Draco Malfoy, his rival from school, was not someone a person liked to run into and Harry had just knocked him to the floor. The sneering young man stood up and dusted off his robe.

"Malfoy" Harry breathed out quietly, causing his rival to look down at Harry with a fire in his eyes. His lips twitched into something forming a grimace and he held out his hand to Harry. Harry looked at the offered hand with confusion.

"I hadn't thought it was possible for a Malfoy to be nice."

"It's called being courteous, Potter."

"That never stopped you before."

"Take it or leave it. I don't have all day to tend to your needs."

Harry grabbed hold of the pale hand and was roughly hoisted up. Malfoy let go of Harry's hand quickly and flashed a mild sneer. Harry looked defiantly into Malfoy's eyes.

"What the hell are you doing in here anyway, Potter?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I recall that you have an owl. A mangy, white thing."

Harry's heart constricted for a moment; he breathed and let the grief lessen its hold. He cleared his throat roughly and looked straight into Malfoy's grey eyes.

"She died."

Of course, the death of an animal obviously didn't touch the pure-blood's icy heart because he simply blinked and replied as though he were talking about the weather.

"Oh, tragic. So you're here looking for a replacement?"

Harry nearly gave into the urge to beat the snot out of the arrogant prick, but clenched his fists at his sides instead. His fingers itched for a cigarette.

"I need one while I'm out of the country."

"You're not returning for the school year?" Malfoy's eyes had narrowed with curiosity.

"I wasn't planning on it, no."

"Hm. Well, that will make things far less entertaining. How very disheartening," he added dully.

"I'm sure you'll manage without me."

"So, leaving the country? I hadn't realized until now that cowardice was such a lovely shade on you, Potter."

"Oh, that's a bit keen! You're calling me a coward."

"Well, it certainly sounds like you're running away to me. I, at least, am mature enough to take responsibility for my actions during the war." He straightened his jacket as meticulously as he could and glared down his pointed nose at Harry.

"Ah, so your mother and father refused to move to France?"

"How dare you --"

Harry's eyes glowed with a flicker of green. If Harry couldn't beat the living shite out of him, he could at least scare the spoiled prat just a tad. He got as close as possible, nearly nose to nose, before releasing a little scoffing sound.

"Does it frighten you, Malfoy? Knowing that the only thing standing between you and Azkaban is me?"

Malfoy's eyes widened and the Gryffindor was gratified when the Slytherin swallowed roughly. The air was prickling with magic. It danced slowly across his face like soft butterfly wings. Harry could just make out the boy's elevated pulse beating against his skin, causing goose flesh wherever it caressed. Harry was suddenly reminded that this man saw him kill the Dark Lord. It might've been an accident at the time, but surely Malfoy knew better than to cross someone with a reputation like his. Harry's eyes were glowing bright green, the perfect shade of the killing curse. There was so much anger and hatred that it seemed like Malfoy couldn't pull his eyes away. It was as if his feet were spelled to the floor.

He cleared his throat shakily and whispered softly, "Excuse me, Potter. I did not mean to make offence."

The hell he didn't, but Harry was willing to let it slide, for now. Malfoy finally wrenched his eyes away and seemed to cast them about the store. He appeared to be weighing his options. Harry didn't know for sure, but he thought it likely that Malfoy was using a family member's wand; Ollivander had yet to re-open his shop. Malfoy was at a disadvantage. Harry, in a brief wave of generosity, allowed the transition.

"You said you were traveling? Where to?" Harry watched the blond try to compose himself.

"That information is none of your business, Malfoy." Harry was clenching his teeth tightly together, reigning in his temper.

"If you're traveling far off, I suggest going to Aurelia's Alluring Aviary. Exotic types are normally used for long-distance correspondences." He took a step back from the hot-headed Gryffindor. Harry's eyes flickered and the anger was swept away with his curiosity.

"Aurelia's -- "

"-Yes, Aurelia's Alluring Aviary. It's the second store on the left when you turn down Knockturn Alley."

"Of course. I should've known it'd be down there."

"Ahh, but Madam Aurelia chose a spectacular spot. It caters to both Knockturn's customers as well as Diagon's. She has a wide array of birds and her store is impeccable. I highly recommend her shop, Potter."

"And we both know what happens when you recommend something to me, don't we Malfoy?"

"Yes, well, there are days when we must swallow our pride and bow down to superior knowledge. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be going. Good day to you, Potter, and good luck with your travels."

Malfoy's eyes flickered with a shadowed emotion and he quickly pushed himself past Harry. Their shoulders touched briefly, but Harry didn't receive the hard push he had expected. Malfoy paused in the doorway and looked back at Harry across the dimly lit room. He gave a cordial nod and then disappeared into the bustling street. Harry wasn't sure what had happened. Instead of dwelling on the matter, he focused his thoughts on his new agenda. He looked around the dull looking store and quickly decided that taking a quick peek at Aurelia's couldn't hurt.

*

 

It turned out that Draco Malfoy had made only a fair review of the store. The outside of the store was black and extremely squalid-looking. There were plenty of sordid people walking in the shadows behind Harry, but he only had to give them a harsh glare and they retreated. Harry looked back up at the sign above the door. No mistaking it, this is the place, he thought with a shiver. As soon as he pushed the door open, walked through the archway, he had to blink rapidly. The outside might have been deplorable, but the inside was an entirely different world.

Harry looked up and up and up. The ceiling seemed to be nowhere in sight, but it could've just been the light. He walked further into the store and, as he progressed, he was more amazed by the sheer size of the store. Birds flew above him; they twittered and gave little shrill calls to one another. It's so beautiful. 

The air was crisp and clean and left Harry feeling excited. His feet carried him passed rows of greenery and foliage along the cobblestone path. It was as if he was walking through a modern jungle. A zoo, perhaps. The entire left side of the store was sectioned off into aviaries of different shapes and sizes. Each one had numerous beautiful birds. A Dusky Lory flew overhead and he was mesmerized by its colours.

A tap on the shoulder startled him out of his reverie and Harry looked back at the olive-skinned woman behind him. She had soft curls draped around her face with dark freckles dotting her nose. Most of her hair was held up in a large knot with sticks and jewels intertwined and her eyes were a golden colour that sparkled in the light.

"Is there anything I may assist you with today?" She had a strong lilt to her voice which Harry thought was reminiscent of a gypsy.

"Uh. I was looking for a bird as, uh, as a messenger." He kept getting distracted by her dazzling eyes. They were like sparkling pieces of gold, glinting and glittering suspiciously.

"Hmm. Maybe it would be best if you were to visit Eeylops? They have a wide variety of messenger owls with reasonable prices."

"I was recommended by, uh, an acquaintance of mine, Draco Malfoy, who said to try here instead. You see, I'm leaving soon for a backpacking trip. He told me that I would need a long-distance traveling bird to deliver my correspondences."

Harry must have said something right, for the next moment she smiled broadly and gave a sweep with her cloth-clad arms. The white robe she was wearing shimmered with sparkles that reminded Harry of the stars.

"Then you have come to the correct place. I welcome you to my shoppe. My name is Madam Aurelia, and I am the owner of this aviary." She smiled wickedly and shook her wrists slightly. The bangles spun and clinked against one another and she suddenly held a large leather-bound tome in her hands. Harry was startled by the sudden use of magic. He didn't think she even had her wand with her, though it could be concealed. She clicked her tongue thoughtfully as she opened the book and came up close to Harry.

"Now, which country are you going to?"

"Uh, I'd rather not say."

"We must know where you are going if we hope to match you with a bird to share your many travels with. A companion, if you will."

"I'm not looking for a companion. Just a bird." He let his eyes settle firmly on the floor and set his jaw tightly. Aurelia must have been aware of his rising emotion for the next moment she complied fully. She shut the book and it disappeared in an instant.

"Ah, very well then. Please follow me."

They walked in silence as Harry followed the petite woman to the back of the store. As they walked past the aviaries, he noticed more wild and imaginative creatures were held captive inside of them. They passed a tank holding a crane the size of a small woodshed with a long, lancing beak. It gave Harry a piercing look as though it were going to try and spear him. He was glad the bird was behind the glass wall, because he really didn't want to find out how sharp its beak was. Another aviary sported a great magical hawk whose feathers were made out of metal. Light shone off of the feathers as it shifted from one foot to the other. 

Suddenly, there was a showering of rain from above. Harry saw a beautiful rainbird up in the trees. It drew some water from the trickling waterfall and blew the water out again. Aurelia had stopped while Harry watched the spectacle. She cleared her throat politely and Harry apologized quickly.

"It is completely understandable. Not everyone gets to see such magnificent creatures."

They rounded a sharp corner and Harry stopped in his tracks. Even though it was within a large cage, Harry didn't want to get any closer than he had to. A huge eagle-like bird was perched atop a broken oak tree. His wingspan had to be roughly 28 meters and he was absolutely gigantic. Its foot was approximately the size of a small car and its beak was sharp and menacing. Aurelia didn't seem phased at all.

"It's a Rukh. Originally from Madagascar, it's known for carrying off elephants for food. He's completely harmless, truly."

Harry thought Hagrid would have been right at home here.

"If you happen to smell something disagreeable. Please forgive me. I recently sold a Harpy, and along with their unpleasant demeanour, there is an awful odor."

They rounded another corner and finally exited the maze of plants and aviaries. They were at the back of the store where there was a plain and simple-looking door. Aurelia walked through the door and it shimmered. She looked back at him, smiled, and motioned for him to continue. It was as if he had walked through a looking-glass and came out on the other side, the store behind him. Everything was mirrored but, instead of the more dangerous and outrageously beautiful birds, there were falcons, hawks, and large eagles.

"Take a look at which one appeals to you most and then we shall decide," she said over her shoulder.

She opened a screened door to the right and stepped inside. She waved for Harry to follow her. The birds didn't seem to mind at all as they entered. She walked up to one of them and began petting its breast. She cooed softly at the bird and it shifted closer to her.

Harry looked at the bird she was currently petting; it was a deep brown colour all over and looked like a cousin of the hawk. However, because Harry didn't know anything about any bird species, it very well could've been a hawk. Harry thought that all of them were very plain. They all seemed to ignore him and none of them caught his eye. He continued up and down next to the large screen and was about to just give up when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

Among the leaves of the large tree in the corner, partly hidden by the shadows, sat an enormous bird and it was staring straight at Harry. He was immediately on guard and backed up a few steps. Aurelia noticed the change in his stance and came over to him. She followed his line of sight and smiled brightly.

"I see you have met our resident Altai Falcon. They normally live in the Altay Mountains, where they receive their name."

Harry didn't dare take his eyes off the falcon for fear of an attack. He listened half-heartedly as Aurelia continued to talk.

"I only recently acquired him. However, I have noticed he does not like many. He barely even tolerates myself. I assumed he was a female when I first received him, but it turns out he is just an exceptionally large hierofalcon. This means he is a hybrid between a falcon and a hawk. Beautiful, is he not?"

His wings were splattered with dark, black blotches, but most of the plumage was silver in colour. It was very reminiscent of a hawk, Harry could tell that much. In a quick instant, the bird took flight. Harry stumbled backwards, and nearly hit another bird in the process. The large falcon landed gracefully on top of a perch near Harry and continued to stare at him.

Aurelia seemed pleased because, the next moment, she smiled brightly and whispered in Harry's ear, "I think we have found a match, no?"

It was Aurelia's smiling face and fluttering eyes that had Harry giving in to her fair price, or at least that's what she claimed it was. Harry now understood why the store was called Aurelia's Alluring Aviary.

She insisted that Harry buy several books, food, treats, and some toys to appease the surly bird. She had also suggested for him to buy a set of falconry gauntlets, but Harry explained that he already had a set of Dragonhide ones at home. When the large falcon dug its talon's into the soft flesh of Harry's shoulder, he realized his mistake. It was nearly another hour before Harry was wearing the new gloves and carrying the items out the door. He carried the large cage with one hand, while the falcon's feet were clutched in the other.

For the most part, the falcon was completely docile. It didn't even cause a fuss when Harry Apparated to the alleyway a few blocks away from his house. He received suspicious stares from the few Muggles around but nothing more. Harry was happy that Aurelia had cast a glamour charm on the creature. She had explained that many Wizards received trouble from the Muggle police about their purchases. It was her policy to make the trip home as smooth and simple as possible. Harry vaguely wondered what the Muggles thought he was carrying in his hand.

When he got home, he immediately went up to the room where Buckbeak used to stay. He walked over to the perch he installed earlier that day and went to place the falcon on it. However, since he had expected to come home with a smaller creature, the perch was too small. It was no matter anyway, because the falcon smelt the lingering old scent of the Hippogriff and caused a horrific fuss. It flew up in the air and then landed sharply on Harry's shoulders. Its wings were spread out for balance, smacking Harry in the face as it shifted from one foot to the other. Harry nearly cried out in pain, but bit his lip to stifle the sound. He curled his arm inward and the bird seemed to understand as it hopped back onto Harry's leather-covered forearm.

*

 

Hours later, Harry found himself sitting in his kitchen with an antiseptic potion, a packet of plasters, and the wretched bird perched upon the back of a chair, staring at him. Harry wasn't entirely sure how he ended up buying the blasted thing.

He had a cigarette burning brightly between his lips as he poured the antiseptic on the fluffy gauze pad. The bird didn't seem to mind the smoke as it sat across from him blinking at Harry's slow movements. He shook his wings and began preening himself. Harry daubed the creamy, pink liquid all over his ragged shoulders. A hiss of pain had the bird's attention at once. It switched feet, hopped down onto the table, and knocked over the potion and the tin of gauze.

Harry pushed his chair back in an abrupt motion. The bird sat on the table looking up at Harry and let out a mean cry.

"All right, all right." Harry had his hands up in surrender. "I get it. You're a mean, nasty, overgrown crow. Well, get this; you don't frighten me, and you might as well get used to this because we're stuck together now." The bird cocked its head to the side and watched the gauze sway on his arms.

He ended up reaching a compromise with the bird. He gave some of the chilled mice meat to the falcon, but only if the damned buzzard continued to perch on the kitchen chair. The bird flashed him a haughty glare, but complied. Harry seriously thought about naming the bird Snape, but figured it might be a little too spiteful.

It wasn't until later in the afternoon when Harry tried to pet the falcon's breast. It seemed wary at first, but quickly puffed out his chest in consent. Several minutes later, the room was filled with Harry's loudly swearing voice as he stuck his bloodied finger in his mouth. He didn't know what he was going to do. He had to leave for his trip soon and the bird barely tolerated him. Why he had followed Draco Malfoy's advice in the first place, Harry's wasn't sure.

From then onward, Harry always kept one hand gloved. He was currently in the sitting room with a book on his lap. The large bird was still in the kitchen. Suddenly, it flew across the room and landed on the other side of the couch backing. It gave a small cry and began inching towards Harry.

Harry looked at the bird with hesitation and carefully laid his glove-covered hand on the top of the couch. The bird looked at it peculiarly and tentatively crawled on top of it. Harry grabbed a piece of mice meat out of the bag near him. He placed the meat in the middle of his palm and squeezed his fingers together to make sure there was no confusion. The bird clicked his beak soundly as it pinched Harry's hand slightly. After eating the small pieces, Harry tried petting him, this time without incident.

Harry was in bed, thinking about what he could name his new companion. When Harry tried to put him to sleep in Buckbeak's old room, he broke out in another fit. So Harry begrudgingly moved the perch to his own room and allowed the bird to stay with him.

It was currently snoozing lightly, probably tired out from the excitement of the day. Harry thought about the bird for a long time. He was concerned about being able to use him for delivering messages. The bird was obviously very keen, but Harry wasn't sure he was reliable. He never had a problem with Hedwig, but maybe she had been an exception. Harry was trying to think of different names for the little bastard, but the low calls of the birds outside lulled him to sleep.

*

 

It was hot. The air was blistering and Harry could hardly breathe. He was walking down Diagon Alley with his falcon perched on his arm. He was stumbling towards Aurelia's shop with the intention of returning his bird. However, when he rounded the corner of Knockturn Alley, he was bombarded with heat from the hot, flickering flames. As he looked around, he noticed all the people were staring blankly at the center of the blaze. In the middle of the roaring, billowing fire stood a shadowy figure.

Harry raised his arm above his eyes to try and see beyond the glare of the flames, but all he could make out was an obscure image. The bird on his arm gave a loud screech. He looked at the bird but instead of finding his falcon, he saw Hedwig. She was pecking at Harry's hand to be let go. When he opened his hand, she flew off to the center of the mayhem.

She landed on the figure's extended arm. Harry went forward to try and save her, but the fire rose higher. Harry watched the flames contort into the form of a prowling animal. It wasn't a fire; it was Fiendfyre. The creature changed its form continuously as it made a circle around the trapped person.

The flames continued to emit bright, swirling flames. He had to save the person in the middle. Harry peeled off his outer robe. There was a dull spot where the flames weren't rising nearly as high and he jumped and rolled into the center of the circle.

Harry looked up and his eyes widened.

"Malfoy?"

The blond boy was petting Hedwig softly. He raised his sad eyes to Harry's and gave a bitter smile. There were a massive amount of scars and marks all over his face and arms; Harry was sure there were more hidden underneath the long robes he wore.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked loudly, shouting so he could be heard over the roaring inferno. However, Malfoy only gave a cryptic smile.

"I'm dealing with the consequences of my actions. This is my punishment. What are you doing here?" He continued to pet Hedwig slowly. His demeanour seemed calm, but his eyes betrayed him as he gave a fearful look towards Harry. Hedwig gently nibbled on the end of Malfoy's finger.

"You have my bird. I can't leave without her." Harry replied easily.

"I have a question for you then, Potter."

Malfoy's grey eyes looked deeply into Harry's emerald ones. 'Does it hurt?' they seemed to ask.

*

 

Harry woke gasping for breath. He could almost feel the Fiendfyre licking at his skin. He was having trouble grasping reality; the memory of it was so fierce. Harry clutched the sheets in utter fear. Three weeks. It had been three weeks since his last nightmare. Coincidentally, the last one happened to be the reason he decided to leave for a short vacation.

Harry breathed through his nose and shuddered when he recalled Malfoy's scared, grey eyes staring back at him. It was like the night he saved Malfoy in the Room of Requirement. His eyes were pleading for help and Harry knew he had no other choice.

The falcon was awake and looking at Harry. It seemed to understand that this was a deciding moment in Harry's life. It shook its feathers and began preening its body.

Harry knew it was only a dream, but it had felt like it was more. It was Malfoy's eyes that had tipped the scale. They were the same wide and fearful eyes Harry had seen earlier that day. He just hadn't bothered to see beyond his hatred for the boy. Harry fell back on top of the bed and sucked in a deep breath. Harry spent the rest of the evening, wide awake, trying to decide what the hell he was going to do.

*

 

Harry pushed his way through the crowds with his bag and cage. Ares, his falcon, was screeching because of the rattling motions and loud noise as Harry waded through masses of people. He'd named the bird Ares because it seemed to fit the mythological war god's personality. Many of the Muggles were looking at him curiously, but he didn't care. He maneuvered around groups of children and parents, many of them speaking loudly over the boisterous noises of the departing trains.

After his long adventure through the thick crowds, Harry was finally facing the bare wall between platforms 9 and 10. He took several deep breaths, and just as he was about to enter he heard familiar voices behind him. He quickly looked over his shoulder and saw none other than Draco Malfoy being escorted by his mother. Harry tensed up when the young Malfoy spotted him with narrowed eyes.

"Well, well, well. I thought you were destined for the lonely streets of some wretched place in a third world country by now, Potter. Have a change of heart? Couldn't live without me?" he taunted abrasively.

Harry's eyes flickered as he remembered his dream but he held his emotions in check.

"I decided to postpone the trip for a little while. My Wizarding passport hasn't gone through yet. I'll most likely be off after I've finished my N.E.W.T.s, though." It was a bold faced lie, but Harry was confident Malfoy wouldn't see through it.

"I would have thought your fame would have allowed you to receive it the day you applied," Malfoy sneered.

"Draco," his mother gently squeezed his shoulder, "be courteous."

"Yes, mother." Malfoy's eyes flashed with something Harry didn't recognize and the two Malfoys quickly entered through the barricade.

Harry gave a great sigh of relief and poked around in his pockets for a quick smoke. When he pulled one out and stuck it in his mouth, a conductor near him pointed to the sign on the wall that declared 'No smoking'. Harry tucked the tar away and picked up his bag.

He waited until the conductor had moved away and then stepped through the plain brick wall. Immediately, his senses were assaulted with the sound of screeching owls and people yelling to one another. There seemed to be a lot more excitement in the air since the end of the war. Harry walked past a man wearing a long, dark robe with small decorations on it. He knew the man was an Auror; Kingsley had made a point of stationing security officers at various positions throughout the Wizarding districts. The Minister knew there still were Death Eaters on the run and he didn't want to leave any place open for an attack.

Harry got caught in a rush for the train, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He spun around with his wand instantly ready, and gave a sufficient glare. However, it was another man in dark robes with the same decorations as the other. He was shorter than the first one, with a very mousy exterior. Harry couldn't help but recall Pettigrew. This man had his own wand in his hand and spoke in a gravelly voice.

"I'll need to see some form of I.D. and look through your satchel and bag, young man."

Harry set the cage, with Ares in it, on the ground near his feet and handed the small school bag over while he undid the straps on the larger traveling pack on his back. The man conjured a small table and set the bag on top of it. He opened the brown suede bag and found a small steamer trunk inside of it.

"My school supplies have been shrunk down and placed inside. Here's my I.D." Harry handed the man his Wizarding passport, hoping that Malfoy didn't see him with it.

The man looked at the little booklet and his eyes widened. He looked up at Harry and then back down to the passport.

"I'm extremely sorry to bother you, Mr. Potter. You may continue on."

"You didn't even check my bag properly."

"No need, no need. Go on through, please." The mousy man handed Harry back his belongings and pushed Harry along. Before Harry could protest any further, the mousy man was gone.

"Getting special treatment, again? I'd have thought you would have had enough of it by far."

Harry rolled his eyes and turned around to face the youngest Malfoy once more. "Malfoy, please just leave it. I'm bloody tired of it and I'm sure you are too."

Malfoy's eyes flashed and he gave a horrible sneer. "Some things will never change between us, Potter. Deal with it."

Harry cast his eyes to the ground and thought for a moment. Would it always be the same between them? Years from now, would they still hate one another? A year ago, Harry wanted to beat the snot out of the boy because of the things he had done. Here was his chance and all Harry wanted to do was strike up a truce? Harry looked up at Malfoy with the last of his resolve.

"If you want to keep fighting, then fine by me, but I've fought enough and I'm sick of it." Harry could feel the anger and energy draining out of his body and he finally realized what this was about. It wasn't about Malfoy. It was about his own lack of fire. Harry wanted to kick himself for it.

A hand settled on Malfoy's shoulder and the moment was broken. Malfoy straightened his back as he turned to greet his mother. Her eyes glinted as she spoke to Harry.

"Mr. Potter, I hope my son is behaving himself," she said, slyly looking over her son's shoulder, who ducked his head in shame.

"Absolutely, ma'am. He was just telling me how his summer went" Harry politely replied. "If you'll excuse me, I need to board the train before all the compartments are filled. Good day to you both." Harry nodded to each of them and brushed past Malfoy, ignoring the confused expression on his face.

As Harry passed through the crowds, he noticed he was garnering a lot of attention. He wasn't quite sure whether this was because he had defeated Voldemort or because of his current outfit.

When Harry realized he wasn't going to be leaving for his trip any time soon he had returned to Aurelia's shop. His intention was to return Ares. Yet, when he arrived at the store, the bird gave a sorrowful look and gently nipped Harry on the hand. He decided then and there that he was going to keep Ares. The bird was a right bastard most of the time but, every so often, he was a comforting friend.

Instead of leaving Diagon Alley, Harry entered the store and talked with Aurelia about the falcon. He told her he wasn't leaving after all and she seemed a little disappointed that he would not be able to see the world. After chatting for some time, Harry bought some more meat, as well as a portable bowperch and some training equipment.

Along with the purchases, Aurelia gave him a suede jerkin with wooden knots, an ornate earring, and a small leather necklace with a silver hoop talisman with engravings on it. She explained that she had known he was going to return and wished to give the Saviour of the Wizarding World a gift for the things he had done. The earring had belonged to her great-grandfather and the necklace from her great-grandmother. She wished Harry to have them and told him he should hide the talisman from sight for it to work its special magic.

At this time, he was wearing a nice, red shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and the black jerkin open in the front. The earring was hidden mostly by his overgrown hair, but dangled just past the edges of his messy locks. The people were all looking at him as he walked slowly to the train. He hoisted the strap to his satchel up higher on his shoulder and finally made it on board. It was very crowded as all of the students were rushing to find seats.

Harry pushed his way through the crowd, nearly losing his glasses in the process, before finally finding a nice compartment near the back. There was only one other occupant; a frightened first year with shaggy, red hair and an abundance of freckles all over. Several other younger years came in and started talking animatedly. Harry quietly sat next to the window opposite the boy.

The train ride was fairly uneventful, except for when Ron came in all in a huff.

"Is everything all right, Ron?"

"Nothing's the matter, Harry."

He was about to reply when Ron interrupted him, "It's just that with Hermione not here -- I'm a little mad."

"You knew she wasn't going to be coming. I'm not sure what the problem is."

"I just --"

"-- Oh, I get it. You miss her."

"I do not!" Ron's face flushed with heat as glowered at Harry.

"It's all right to miss her, Ron. I miss Teddy and Andromeda already. The great thing about being Eighth Years, though, is that we have extra privileges that the younger ones don't. As long as we get permission from our Head of House, we can Apparate away for quick visits on the weekend. Remember? It was in the letter."

Harry dug around in his pack for the piece of paper. When he finally found it, he handed it over to Ron. Ron read the paper quickly and smiled brightly. "Yeah, I completely forgot about that. This is great."

For the rest of the trip Ron and Harry talked quietly, while the younger children behaved like all little kids at their age.


	3. Part 3

Harry woke with a start. It had been nearly a whole month before Harry really started to feel the weight of his decision to stay. Every Professor emphasized that studying for the N.E.W.T.s was extremely important. They were handing out work left and right and it was a chore just to keep up. He started having dreams, not nightmares, but dreams that featured McGonagall asking him what he was planning to do after Hogwarts.

It distinctly reminded him of the conversation they had when he told her he was going backpacking. 'Maybe, that's the real reason I didn't want to return to Hogwarts for the school year' he thought, but he wasn't sure. He didn't have anything planned after this year, but he didn't realize how much stress it would cause until now.

He was covered in a slick sheet of sweat even though it was a cool evening. The room was filled with the sound of soft snores. Harry took a quick survey of the room through his blurry vision. The dream hadn't featured McGonagall this time; it was about Ginny.

The dream left Harry with lingering sense of fear. He had yet to tell Ginny how he truly felt. He was dreading telling her as he was sure she wasn't going to take it well. Harry knew Andromeda was right; he had to tell her and get it over with before it really was too late.

Thinking about Andy sent a quick stab of homesickness lancing through him. Mostly, Harry liked to avoid thinking about her and Teddy because he missed them so much. He wasn't sure how he would've stayed away if he were on a holiday. He liked to think he'd be too busy sight-seeing to miss them, but he secretly knew the truth. Harry sighed heavily, but, an instant later, his face lit up with a quirky little smile.

He made a quick decision that he really wanted to see them. He'd have to get permission from his Head of House, as well as check with Andy to see if she was available for the weekend.

He tossed the thin cotton sheets off of his legs, grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and threw on his glasses. He grabbed his quill and a bit of rolled parchment before he left the dormitory.

As he made his way through the portrait hole and onto the stone floors, he realized what a fool he was for not wearing socks, or a shirt for that matter. He gave a small shrug. It wasn't like he was going to be out there for very long and he did have his cloak. All he had to do was write a short letter and then he'd be back.

His flannel pajama slacks hung low on his hips as he shuffled quickly to the Owlery. The Invisibility Cloak barely made it past his ankles, forcing him to hunch his head and shoulders so as not to be seen. He really hoped that Ares was in a good mood. Hell, Harry would be happy if he was in the Owlery in the first place. Ares hated the other owls, mainly because he wasn't allowed to eat them, but Harry thought there might have been a different reason. Personally, Harry thought Ares was a bit haughty and that he thought he was better than the other owls. He also thought that Ares was angry because Harry hardly saw him. He made a silent vow to visit his hot-tempered falcon more often.

Harry slowly made his way through the hallways and up the cold stone steps. At one point, he had to flatten himself against the wall as Filch walked by. Harry's heart hammered in his chest as Filch stopped, but he just sniffed the air and continued in the opposite direction of the Owlery. Harry couldn't keep the small grin off his face as he ran up the rest of the steps.

As he reached the last few steps leading to the Owlery, he slowed down and pulled out a cigarette hidden in the pocket of his pajamas. He let the cloak slip down around his shoulders to light the stick. Goose flesh spread across his upper torso, but the reward of a cigarette was well worth it. He jumped up the remaining steps and turned the corner quickly.

Harry stumbled over his own foot as soon as he realized he wasn't alone. Harry fell over and landed with a soft 'thump' on the messy floor. The cloak fell and landed in a pool around his feet, tangling them further.

"Who would have figured the Great and Clumsy Harry Potter smokes cigarettes?"

Harry inwardly groaned. He kicked the cloak off to the side, into the depths of the shadows, hoping that it would go unnoticed. He pushed himself up and saw his ruined cigarette lying on the filthy ground in front of him. He picked it up and stubbed it out onto the stone floor. He rubbed his bruised arm and looked over at the silhouette of his rival.

Draco Malfoy was sitting on the edge of the large, arched opening that was flush with the stone floor, one leg dangling over the side. His hair was reflecting the moonlight and his eyes were smiling wickedly. Malfoy was holding a small flask of some sort; Harry was sure it wasn't anything innocent. He had an idea of what it was, but it certainly wasn't legal. Harry took a couple steps closer and was engulfed in a cloud of foul-smelling alcohol.

"I could say about the same to you. Hell, Malfoy, you could resurrect the dead with that dreg." Harry scrunched his nose in disgust.

Malfoy's eyes were glistening with amusement as he watched Harry cautiously. Malfoy pulled his leg up to his chest and took a sip from his flask. The swill caused him to grimace.

"What are you doing up here anyway, Potter?" Malfoy choked out.

Harry pulled the parchment and quill out of his pocket. "What do you think I'm here for?" He tucked the parchment away and pulled out another cigarette. As he went to light it, Malfoy cleared his throat loudly.

"I'm sure you don't mind, Malfoy." He looked up as he cupped the light against the stick, not caring in the least if the blond did mind.

"I was wondering -- would you spot me one?"

Harry arched his eyebrow at the aristocrat. He looked down at his case, knowing only a few were left inside. He pulled one out and handed it to Malfoy planning on buying some more over the weekend.

Malfoy reached for the cigarette and looked at it strangely.

"You've never smoked before, have you?" Harry asked with an almost feral grin.

"Of course I've smoked before. I've just never had one of the Muggle variety." Malfoy stuck his nose up in the air and placed the stick in his mouth. He waited for Harry to light it for him.

Harry crouched down to get close to Malfoy and held out his Zippo. He pulled away and sat on the opposite side of the archway and watched Malfoy take a long drag off of his tar. The blond immediately started coughing and making choking noises.

"Oh, Merlin! That's foul," he wheezed out between coughing fits.

"It's completely obvious that you're a veteran smoker," Harry added with laughter rumbling in his throat. Malfoy buried his face in the crook of his sleeve but it only served to muffle the sound.

The wind picked up and rushed at them. Harry realized that they were perched at a dangerous spot. The air collided with the outside wall, causing Harry's leg to get pinned for a moment. He watched Malfoy compose himself and let his head settle against the blocks of stone behind him. He took a slow sip of his flask and flashed Harry a quick grin. Harry thought his rival might be a little pissed, but wasn't sure.

"Ha, ha. So, I lied. Not much of a surprise there, hmm?" His eyes clouded over as he chuckled softly. Malfoy shifted his position and a spike of fear surged through Harry as his rival moved closer to the edge.

"A midnight love letter, Potter? What's wrong? The Weaselette not good enough anymore?" Harry tried desperately to keep his face clear of any real emotion as Malfoy hit his problem with Ginny spot on. Malfoy's grin spread further across his face and Harry realized that the man really was smashed off his arse.

The wind began thrashing against the stone, but this time it brought the crisp scent of grass and the smell of sea water from beyond the cliffs. Harry breathed in deeply and let the air brush across his body. At that moment, he was glad he didn't have his shirt on. The air felt so nice against his bare skin and made him want to go for a midnight fly. The moonlight glinted off his talisman lying heavily against his skin.

He didn't see it happen until it was too late. A gust of wind threw itself against them and Malfoy teetered and fell off the edge of the sill. Harry's eyes widened and he pulled his wand out instantly. He lay flat against the floor as he looked over the edge. 'Why hasn't he cast Wingardium Leviosa on himself yet?' Harry thought wildly. There was no time and suddenly Harry was thrusting his wand out and a pulse of magic escaped from the tip. His words were carried away by the wind, but Harry felt the surge of magic shoot forwards.

The blue light gathered around Malfoy and he was gently set on the ground. Malfoy wasn't moving at all and Harry was struck with a wave of panic. It took him ten minutes before he was outside and running full speed towards the bottom of the Owlery. He rounded the edge of the tower and let out a small gasp.

Malfoy was lying in a lumpy mess. His blond hair stuck out against the dark grass and his wand lay a few feet away. Harry was reminded painfully of Albus Dumbledore.

He rushed over and crouched on the ground. Harry placed his fingers against Malfoy's throat, but wasn't entirely sure what the hell he was doing in the first place. Malfoy made a soft groaning noise and Harry pulled back quickly.

He whacked Malfoy hard on the chest and practically screamed, "What the hell did you think you were doing?" The raven-haired man let out a great sigh of relief and leaned back on his heels.

Malfoy groaned again, but this time he opened his eyes and looked at Harry, confused.

"Potter? What happened?" Malfoy tried to sit up but Harry pushed him back down.

"Stay still. You fell, but I caught you." Harry could tell the blond was having some trouble processing his words.

"How'd you catch me? You were up in the Owlery."

Harry released a shuddering breath as his heart hammered madly in his chest.

"You fell and I caught you with my magic. Why the hell didn't you use your wand? You could have been seriously injured." 'Not to mention killed', but Harry didn't want the prick to know he had been worried.

"It doesn't work properly." Harry was sure if Malfoy had been sober, the blond never would have confessed that, so Harry didn't comment further. He'd have to ask Malfoy about it later.

Harry watched as Malfoy let his head settle against the soft ground. The blond was blinking his eyes quickly, and it looked as though he were trying to hold back tears.

Harry shifted his gaze away from the other. Instead, he let his head fall backwards and set his elbows in the wet grass. He looked up at the bright stars and sighed again.

"Listen Malfoy, we should probably get you to Madam Pomfrey and make sure you're not injured."

A soft grunt was his only reply. Harry looked over at the blond and realized that Malfoy had tears on his cheeks.

"It doesn't work properly. Nothing works properly anymore." Harry could barely hear him over the heavy gusts of wind, but he continued on, "I'm so bloody sick of the way people look at me. What the fuck was I suppose to do? I was just trying to help my bloody family. I was just trying to protect them. And damn it, now I'm ostracized by everyone! I'm so tired, I really am. I'm so bloody tired of them all. Well, fuck them, and fuck you too, Potter."

Malfoy sat up and sneered at Harry.

"I don't need your help, you bloody ponce." His teeth were gnashed together and it looked as though he were about to punch Harry.

Harry wasn't sure how to dispel the situation. He ended up looking down at the grass and thought for a moment. It struck Harry then that they were a lot alike. They weren't that different and it made Harry mad, but not at Malfoy. Harry was mad at the world in which they were forced to cater to these stereotypes; Good versus Evil, Gryffindor versus Slytherin.

Harry looked up into the seething boy's eyes.

"I'm tired, too, you know?" He knew his eyes were clouded with emotion and he was desperately hoping that Malfoy wouldn't shoot him down. Harry really needed someone to talk to. He wasn't able to chat with Andromeda anymore, and he couldn't be as open with Ron, either.

Malfoy was looking straight into Harry's eyes, waiting for him to break away. Eventually, Harry turned his head and looked back up at the stars. A bright blaze shot across the sky and Harry gave a small smile.

"Hey look, Malfoy, a falling star."

Harry could feel the blond watching him but he kept his face turned to the sky. It took a few minutes, but Harry's rival finally sat down near him and they both spent the rest of the evening under the stars, watching them fall.

*

 

It was early in the morning and Harry had yet to send off his letter to Andromeda. He'd ended up talking with Malfoy all through the night. They avoided most of the serious issues, instead chatting about what they planned on doing after the school year was over.

Malfoy's wand came up in the conversation at one point; Harry's assumption when they'd met in Eeylops had been correct. Malfoy was being forced to use his mother's wand since Ollivander had yet to re-open. His current wand wasn't working as well as his old one and Harry felt slightly guilty for keeping it. The wand was still at Grimmauld Place, and Harry considered picking it up after his visit with Andy.

Most of the stars had disappeared and the first rays of light were just peaking over the horizon as they were about to say good-bye. Malfoy stumbled as he got up and held his head in his hands.

"Don't tell me you're still pissed off your arse."

"Only a little," Malfoy said as he winced.

"Bloody hell, Malfoy. What the hell did you have in that flask?"

"Ugh. I don't think you want to know." He cradled his head and made a strange noise in the back of his throat. "Okay, maybe not smashed, just hung-over."

"Oh well that's good to know. Here, let me help you." He draped Malfoy's arm over his shoulder and helped him walk around the base of the tower.

"I don't need your help, Potter."

"You want to get caught by Filch?" Malfoy shook his head and immediately groaned. "Then I'm helping."

It wasn't until they were halfway through the dungeons that Harry remembered he left his Invisibility Cloak in the tower. Heat radiated off Malfoy's body and comforted Harry's cold skin.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I'll kill you if anyone sees us like this."

Harry rolled his eyes and adjusted his hold on Malfoy. He had his arm wrapped around the back of his waist and was stumbling along with the blond.

"Malfoy, it's around five in the morning. The only ones up at this hour are insane people."

"Namely us, you mean?"

"Correct." Harry and Malfoy shared a small chuckle as they came to the bare wall that served as the entrance to the Slytherin dorms. Surprisingly enough, Harry had enjoyed his rival's company and was gratified that they shared the same sense of humour.

He leaned the blond against the wall opposite the entrance. Malfoy blinked heavily and tried to focus his eyes.

"I hope you've got some hangover potion or else you're in for one hell of a day."

"Thankfully, I do. What I'd like to know is how you know where the entrance to our dorm is."

Harry flashed him a sly grin and shook his head. "Maybe another time, Malfoy."

Malfoy's eyes seemed to clear for a moment. "Another time?"

Harry wasn't sure what he saw in the blond's eyes, maybe hope, but he ended up nodding his head before turning away. He looked over his shoulder as he rounded the corner and saw Malfoy watching him, eyes full of curiosity.

Harry returned to the Owlery to send off his letter and grab his cloak; thankfully, it was still there. When Harry arrived at the common room, no one was around and he slipped back into his room without a fuss. He pulled the curtains around his four-poster bed and lay wide-awake.

He could feel the ghost of Malfoy's body along his side and could smell the remnants of alcohol where Malfoy had chuckled against his neck. Harry thought it was the most vulgar and comforting feeling he'd felt in a very long time. He wasn't sure what to make of his feelings towards Malfoy, but the hatred had lessened. Harry fell asleep with the scent of Malfoy around him and thoughts about what the other boy was doing just then filling his head. 

*

 

Almost two days of irksome lessons and study sessions passed before Harry saw Malfoy again. It was during their Potions class; Harry went to retrieve some ingredients out of the tiny supply closet and bumped into Malfoy. The taller boy quirked his eyebrows at Harry and grinned slyly. He brushed himself as close as possible to Harry and slipped a note into his hand. Harry's forehead furrowed with confusion.

"Potter," Malfoy breathed out and he swiftly slipped out of the closet.

When Harry returned to his desk, he followed the instructor's orders and slowly added the appropriate ingredients. In between adding the ingredients, he had a short amount of time to check the note Malfoy gave him.

Meet me tonight. It was in Malfoy's neatly scrawled handwriting. There was no mention of where to meet or what time, but Harry immediately understood.

Harry wasn't sure why but his heart sped up at the prospect of another midnight encounter. Suddenly he couldn't wait until his classes were over. He normally felt that way, especially since it was a Friday, but today he couldn't wait for an entirely different reason.

Inevitably, when someone is really looking forward to something, time seems to tick by half as fast, drawing out the anticipation. Finally, Potions was dismissed and Harry met up with Ron and Neville for Lunch.

All throughout lunch Harry divided his time between looking for Malfoy and talking with Ron and Neville. There weren't a lot of people in the Great Hall due to the beautiful, autumn day. The three of them had decided against the surely crowded fields and sat amiably at the table.

Ron chatted endlessly about Hermione and how he couldn't wait for the day to end. He had received permission to visit her at her flat in London for the weekend under the pretense that he was visiting his mother. Harry suspected McGonagall knew the truth but let the incident slide. Ron was going on about what they had planned for the weekend and it made Harry jealous. He could see in Ron's eyes and the way he talked that he was deeply in love with Hermione. Harry's chest constricted; he wished he could feel that way about Ginny but every time he thought about her, he just wanted to think about something else.

"--marriage, yet?"

Harry shook his head and gulped down his roast beef in one swallow. It burned at the back of his throat and caused Harry's eyes to water.

"I'm sorry, what did you say, Neville?"

"I asked you if you and Ginny have talked about marriage, yet. I know she mentioned something off-hand to me a while ago."

Harry's eyes widened and his throat was left dry. "I'm sorry?"

"Merlin, Harry! I said --"

"No, I heard what you said, I just don't understand. Ginny mentioned marriage? We're too young to be thinking about that. Hell, we've only been dating a few months."

"Yeah, but you two were meant for one another and you're both the same age as my parents when they got married. Same with Ron's. Didn't your parents get married right out of Hogwarts, Harry?"

Harry's stomach lurched when he thought about marrying Ginny.

"You are planning on marrying her, aren't you?" Ron added.

Harry opened his mouth and was about to answer, but nothing came out. He was hoping that something disastrous would happen to distract both Neville and his best mate but all that followed was silence and Harry continued with his poor imitation of a fish.

"Harry?" Ron's eyes were narrowed and his voice was thick with tension.

"I--" Harry closed his eyes and pictured Ginny's smiling face. "No." He whispered quietly. He didn't hear the small gasp behind him or see Ron's eyes widen.

"She'll always be special to me, but I can't. I -- I honestly want her to be happy, but I just don't think she'll ever be happy with me. She sees me as Harry Potter, saviour of the Wizarding World, and all I want is for her to see me as Harry, just Harry."

He was looking down at his fingernails, picking at invisible dirt, while he waited for his friends' reactions. He didn't have to wait very long; he heard someone crying behind him.

Harry stiffened and turned around slowly. Ginny was standing behind him with tears running down her face. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun and Harry was sickened by the fact that he thought she looked beautiful just then.

Her petite hand was covering her mouth as crystal streaks trailed down her cheeks.

"Ginny," Harry breathed in disbelief.

"Don't, just don't," she shook her head wildly back and forth, her voice wavering as she continued to cry. She took a deep breath and quickly turned away.

"Ginny!" Harry got up and started chasing after her but she promptly turned around and held out her hands.

"Don't you dare, Harry Potter! I can't even stand to be near you right now." She wasn't yelling, but the scene was still garnering a lot of attention.

"I'm sorry," he quietly said. "I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to hurt you--"

"I said don't, Harry. I hate you so much right now." Her voice was strong and steady while anger flickered in her eyes.

Harry didn't doubt that she probably did hate him right then. He was thankful she didn't have her wand out or he was sure she would've hexed him on the spot. He watched her run off with her friend Suzie trailing behind her.

Harry watched her until she escaped the Great Hall and he turned towards Ron with a hurt expression.

"I really didn't mean to hurt her."

Ron's face was flushed with anger but he extended his hand and patted Harry on the shoulder anyway.

"I know, mate."

*

 

News of the break-up spread like wildfire. Everywhere he went he was met with glares and angry faces. Rumours were floating about by dinnertime. They were wild and made it into a savage tangle. Harry heard someone mention a nasty one, explaining that he was having a torrid affair with Hermione.

He clenched his fork in his hand as he steadfastly stared at the table angry that people still whispered behind his back. But someone whispering loudly that Ginny had cheated on Harry finally broke his resolve. He didn't even notice that his glass had shattered.

Harry stood up and marched over to Michael Corner and slammed his hand flat against the table. Corner jumped in his seat and stared wide-eyed at Harry.

"I will say this once and only once. Ginny did absolutely nothing wrong and if I ever hear you slander her again, I'll hurt you worse than any of her brothers could. Do you understand me, Corner?"

The air was crackling with restrained magic and Michael Corner could do nothing but stupidly nod his head. Harry straightened himself and sneered at all the staring faces. He happened to look over at the Slytherin table and saw Malfoy watching, his head tilted slightly to the side as if pondering something. Harry straightened himself, and left the Great Hall without another word.

*

 

Harry ran up to the common room, and quickly grabbed his study materials. He stuffed his Invisibility Cloak inside his bag and left. He knew better than to stick around the place, seeing as dinner was already half finished. He didn't want to be there when the others returned. For the rest of the evening, Harry stayed in the back of the library, working diligently on his homework. He knew he'd never get it done if he didn't work on it now.

Andromeda had responded to his letter and was extremely glad Harry would be able to visit. She already cleaned up the guest room for Harry, so he could stay the night and not have to worry about returning to school until Sunday. Harry was ecstatic to get away from Hogwarts, even if it was only for a short time.

Ten minutes before curfew Madam Pince came around and warned Harry with a glare. He stood and stretched before he started packing up his belongings. He left with her glaring at his back but he didn't mind. He knew it was nothing personal. Harry slipped into the common room, hoping he wouldn't be noticed. It was a useless effort as everyone saw him. Some of them glared, but most of them ignored him. He tried desperately not to feel hurt, but it was hard.

He retreated to his room and lay on his bed. No one was in the dorm room and he relished the silence. Harry stretched on his bed and thought mostly about Ginny. At least the hard part was over; he just really hoped he'd be able to salvage what was left of their friendship. He knew it was going to be rough for a little while, but he knew the rest of the House would understand. That was what he hoped for, at least.

Harry ended up telling himself to think of something else, but the only thing that came to mind was Malfoy. As with the past few days, his thoughts turned to his first meeting with the Slytherin. Surprisingly, they had hit it off very well. Sure, Malfoy had been horribly smashed but, without his friends, Malfoy's humour wasn't as crude. He had been almost pleasant.

A few hours later, Harry found himself walking under the Invisibility Cloak towards the Owlery. It was just after midnight when he arrived, but no one was within sight. He pulled off his Cloak and hid it in the corner. Ares made a screeching noise from where Harry and Malfoy had sat during their first encounter. He walked over and began petting the irritable creature.

Harry stilled his movements as a quiet sound caught his attention. He looked over the edge of the open archway and grinned stupidly. Malfoy was sitting at the base of the tower. Harry could see that he had a cigarette in his mouth and he was puffing away.

"Oh God, I've created an addict," Harry said to himself.

"Watch it, Potter. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't get too close to the edge. We wouldn't want a mishap, now would we?"

Harry rolled his eyes as he yelled back, "Oh, like you're one to talk."

Malfoy flashed him a feral grin. "Yes well, this time I don't have my, uh, dreg, is that what you called it? No, as you can clearly see, I have only my Wizarding cigarettes to accompany me."

"Ahh, trying to show me you really are a smoker? How mature of you," Harry added blandly.

"There is a difference. Here, have one. I've got plenty." Harry watched the blond raise his cigarette for display.

"You going to levitate it to me? Because if you think I'm getting any closer to the edge, you're insane."

"Oh, just jump down. I'll catch you with my magic."

"Your wand isn't working properly, remember?"

"Ahh yes, must've forgotten." He had a grin on his face that clearly said otherwise.

Harry disappeared from the archway and quietly made his way through the castle to the base of the tower. Malfoy was laid out across the cool grass. He was wearing a thick, wool sweater with charcoal-coloured trousers. Malfoy looked extremely bohemian lying there in the grass with his hair splayed out around his head.

"You certainly look comfortable."

"Are you kidding me? The ground is so bloody hard. It's a wonder I stayed here as long as I did." He held out an unlit cigarette as Harry sat down next to the grey-eyed boy. He took the long black stick and lit it with his lighter.

Harry sucked on the end of the cigarette and breathed in slowly. Suddenly, he felt as though he were drenched from head to toe in warm milk. Harry fell back against the grass and could feel it tickling the back of his bare neck. Music flowed over his skin and danced upon his lips like an invisible lover. He stretched his arms up over his head and closed his eyes. Sparks and swirls crawled beneath his eyelids and he gasped audibly.

Harry heard something coming from his left; it sounded suspiciously like tingling bells but when he looked over, it was only Malfoy chuckling, a wide grin gracing his face.

"It's completely obvious that you're a veteran smoker, Potter." His eyes sparkled with laughter as he threw the words back in Harry's face.

Harry started chuckling and then they were both laughing loudly. In the back of Harry's mind, he thought this midnight rendezvous shouldn't feel so great, but he didn't much care. He felt free and he was happy about it.

*

 

It wasn't until Harry had smoked two more of the wonderful cigarettes that they started to lessen their effect on him. They ended up talking about different subjects all the way from how many ticks Harry had to pick off over the summer to Malfoy's father being on trial.

They were lying side by side with their heads close together. If he turned his head just so, Harry could see flecks of blue in Malfoy's grey eyes. They lay next to one another, passing the cigarette back and forth while the stars spun above them. It was like a fabulous light show and Harry thought he'd never been so at peace before.

"So why did you stay?" Harry wasn't sure where the question had come from but he immediately regretted it. He saw Malfoy stiffen and tense up out of the corner of his eye.

"I already told you. I'm not a coward." His grey eyes were narrowed and his jaw was set.

"You could've ended up in Azkaban." Harry took a slow puff off of the sweet tar and handed it back to his rival.

"I could've ended up in Azkaban no matter where I had gone to. It was just a matter of when it would happen. Instead of looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, I decided I would own up to what I did."

"I'm glad you did."

"I'm not sure how I should take that."

"As a compliment. I'm glad you weren't arrested." Harry closed his eyes and let out a faint ring of smoke escape his mouth.

A comfortable silence settled between them. It was nearly half an hour before either of them broke it. Malfoy cleared his throat.

"Potter?"

Harry made a soft noise and slid his head sideways to look at Malfoy better.

"Do you hate me?"

"Sometimes, but don't worry about it. I hate most everyone for something or other, nowadays." 'And isn't that the truth,' Harry thought.

Harry found himself distancing himself from his friends more and more lately. At present, nearly everyone in the tower was his enemy and Harry honestly couldn't care less. Neville, however, was a friend and hardly bothered Harry, but they weren't as close as him and Ron.

Harry's forehead creased as he thought about his best mate. He wasn't sure where he stood with Ron because of the Ginny debacle. He didn't believe his friendship was ruined, but he wasn't entirely sure it had not been damaged.

"What brought that on?" Harry interrupted his own thoughts.

"Well, I was just wondering if you'd tell me what really happened between you and the littlest Weasley."

Harry wasn't sure what pushed him to confess to the pale Slytherin, but for whatever reason he did.

"I don't love her anymore. Simple as that."

Malfoy watched Harry, curiosity shining plainly in his eyes.

"She sees me as her Knight in shining armour and I'm not that hero. I never was." Harry took a drag off the tar and passed it back to Malfoy.

"You're going to have that problem everywhere you go, you know that, right?" Malfoy inquired.

Harry didn't answer him; instead, he shifted his body against the grassy knoll and looked up at the stars once more.

"It wasn't just that. She was obsessing over our relationship. I was simply tired of placating her." Harry felt slightly guilty for telling Malfoy something so mean about Ginny, but he couldn't help himself. He knew he'd never be able to tell Ron that, not unless he wanted a right-hook to the jaw.

Malfoy must have felt the conversation dip and quickly changed the subject. Harry was surprised that the blond was aware of Harry's feelings and had been sympathetic. Harry watched the other with a furrowed brow but blamed the change in Malfoy on the effects of the shared cigarette.

*

 

The day everyone was going to leave for their holidays, Harry went to meet Malfoy at their usual spot. They had been meeting each other nearly every Friday and it was by mutual consent that they arrived early in the morning before they left Hogwarts. Harry had thought about buying Malfoy a present for Christmas but thought it might be awkward giving his enemy a gift. Instead, he brought something even worse.

Loud, crunching noises crept up behind Harry and he spun around nervously. Malfoy was wearing a thick, wool sweater and jacket with his scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. His breath expelled clouds of white as he walked up the small hill. His cheeks were flushed and Harry's eyes were drawn to Malfoy's bright red lips.

"Malfoy." Harry nodded.

"Potter."

Harry dug the tip of his trainer in the wet snow. He finally stuck out his hand, holding a small box wrapped in shiny, red paper with little Christmas baubles all over it.

"I was expecting a larger gift from you, Potter. You disappoint me," Malfoy said in his usual fashion. Harry laughed lightly and scratched the back of his head.

"It's not what you think. Go ahead, open it."

Malfoy immediately tore into the wrapping and slipped the lid off the slim box. His eyes hardened and Harry paled.

"Listen Malfoy, have a good holiday, okay?" Harry bit his lip nervously.

Malfoy craned his neck upward and gave Harry a strange smile. He pulled his wand out of the box and made a quick swish. A bit of snow flew up and hit Harry's shoulder.

"Yeah. You too, all right?"

Harry hadn't expected a gift, but secretly hoped to be surprised. He grinned at the other boy and made his way to the front gates. When he was halfway down the hill, he heard his voice.

"Oi, Potter!"

Harry turned around and spotted Malfoy still standing on the hill with his hands tucked inside his pockets. His hair was slightly falling into his eyes and his cheeks were flushed.

"You're my friend now, just so you know."

Harry grinned and shook his head. "You might want to start calling me Harry then."

"I'll think about it."

Draco gave a short good-bye wave, which Harry returned. He turned away from his friend and left the schoolyard to enjoy his holiday back home.

*

 

Several weeks passed and Harry continued to meet with Draco each Friday. They enjoyed each other's company so much that they began hanging out earlier in the evenings.

He was currently laying with his legs spread apart and his arms cushioned by the soft grass. He held a small, Wizarding cigarette to his lips and blew out stupid little hearts and speared them with arrow shapes.

Lately, instead of worrying about his N.E.W.T.s, he was more concerned with what he was going to wear to their midnight talks. He thought about Draco more and more with each passing day and was ridiculously happy whenever he saw the blond.

He knew what was happening, but was doing his best to deny it. Strangely, he thought back to Jamie from the coffee shop in London and wondered if he could ever have a relationship with a man. At the time, he hadn't really thought much about it because he had been with Ginny, but since he was newly single, he recalled the man with clarity.

He remembered the day Jamie gave him his number. Hell, Harry still had the piece of paper in the back of his wallet. Harry couldn't see himself with Jamie, but he thought he could see himself with Draco.

He thought about the way Draco's hair fell in his eyes some days. Harry pictured him with his hands stuffed in his pockets, grinning back at Harry, flushed from the cold. His chuckle seemed to drag across the Gryffindor's skin and left him flushed with heat.

He heard the grass rustle behind him. Harry's stomach did a little flip and his breath quickened as he craned his neck to watch Draco walk up the hill. He was wearing a white dress shirt with black trousers.

"I hope you know it's very rude to start without me."

"I hope you know you're probably going to get grass stains all over that shirt."

Harry watched Draco take a long drag off of his own tar and shrug. A few months ago, Harry never would have thought that Draco could be so at ease, but the blond quickly laid himself down. Their legs, as well as their arms, were splayed outwards. They created a small circle with their heads at the center. Harry was inches away from Draco's pointed nose.

"Have you heard the latest swill they're spouting off about you?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and inclined his head to watch Draco.

"What's that?"

"That you're seeing someone new and messed around on Ginny right before your break-up with her."

Draco scrunched his face and did a poor imitation of Michael Corner but it made Harry laugh anyway. Harry had finally reconciled with Ginny, but she was still bitter. She had called it a lack of decency on his part. Harry thought it was a bit harsh, but understood where she was coming from.

"So, any of it true?" Draco asked quietly.

"Between studying, hanging with you and pulling out my hair, it's not as if I have the time."

Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Harry, if you're stressed out, maybe we should cut down on our time together." Draco's voice was almost too quiet to hear, but Harry turned his head sharply and was met with wide grey eyes. Their noses were barely touching and Harry opened his mouth stupidly.

"But I'm happy with you." Harry shut his mouth with a click and closed his eyes tightly. 'How stupid can I get?', he thought angrily.

He didn't see Draco shift his body and gently place his lips against his own. It was a soft kiss that stole Harry's breath. Draco moved to sit up and cradled Harry's head in his lap. He feathered soft kisses all across Harry's face. He finally pulled away and looked into Harry's open eyes with trepidation.

The air felt like a light caress dancing across Harry's bare arms and warm face. It stirred his hair playfully and made the grass around them sway. The wind carried the scent of budding flowers and Harry really felt like he was a part of a magical world.

Harry grabbed Draco's hand in his own and squeezed it firmly to help convey his feelings. It was completely surreal. Harry's heart was beating abnormally fast and his stomach felt as though there were a thousand chocolate frogs jumping around inside it.

It was Draco's smile that had Harry closing his eyes. He wanted to cherish the sight of it forever. He'd finally found peace, in the form of his enemy, under the stars. Harry opened his eyes slowly and smiled back.

The end.


End file.
